Personal Issues

I just posted a blog entry yesterday entitled Daddy Issues for Dummies and now I think I’m going to need that book myself ASAP. Just when I thought I’m over those days, the universe thought that “hey, Ann might be over her daddy issues, let’s rock the boat a little to get some (re)action from her”. Honestly, I haven’t thought about him for quite some time now. Not that I don’t care or anything, but I just accepted the fact, the fact that our family dynamics are out of rails.

One might think that what triggered my issues to re-surface is the blog entry that I wrote yesterday. No, it isn’t the factor, not at all. But instead, it’s all because of Facebook! I still have this love-hate relationship with Facebook, so far hate is winning. Anyway, his update appeared on my newsfeed. He uploaded prom pictures of my half-sister, and even posted some witty yet sweet captions/comments. I don’t want to sugarcoat what I truly felt (still feel) to appear tough or whatsoever. I totally felt (still feel) jealous of her. So jealous, because I know I’ll never experience that moment with him, not ever. I’m an independent girl, I can fend and stand for myself. But that update was just too much, it melted the tin thingy that sits inside my ribcage and I lost all the faux strength that I’ve been trying to project half my life. I’m falling to pieces. This is even worse than my first real break-up.

My mom taught me and my brother well. She always taught us to be the bigger person in every situation, but in this situation I don’t think I can hold it any longer. I don’t want to be the bigger person anymore, I want to let loose the brat in me and type my rant in the comment. But I supposed I’ll find the strength to keep my composure, and again be the tough girl that I always project myself to be. I’ll continue being the bigger person and just rant here in my little blog where no one reads but me.