Wandering Mind

I haven't had enough sleep for almost two weeks. No, it's not completely FarmVille's fault. What keeps me up late at night is my wandering mind. I will never admit that I'm an obsessive thinker, but here's the thing: I do think a lot but not borderline obsessive.

I think about a plethora of things: my self, work, school, career, passion, travel destinations, personal projects, relationships, friends, family and the list goes on. I am also quite addicted to picturing a not-so-far future, a picture perfect future (if there's such a thing). It's a hobby that I have fostered since I was a little kid. I prefer the luxury of lounging on the couch and daydream about a book or movie that I have just seen or read over playing under the heat of the sun. If there's a daydreaming contest, I could've been a shoo-in winner.

But that's just it. I feel that I'm not trying hard enough to make those daydreams a reality. And with that I keep beating myself up. My mom keeps on telling me that it's ok to not have your ducks in a row at my age, even Cosmo tells me that. But I just can't wrap my head around the idea that I'm close to 30 and I have done nothing that is worth jubilating. I know I'm being hypocritical here, you'll say being close to 30 is something worth jubilating. But as they say, age is just a number... Is it too much to ask if I don't want to measure my life with the number of years I have lived instead I want to measure it with the number of lives I have touched? I guess not.

There are times when I wish that I can just live inside my head, because in my head I live a halcyonic life. I have a successful career, the most ideal relationships, and everything that I have ever wanted. Unlike the humdrum reality that I am living.

I've no idea to how to make my daydreams a reality, but one thing is for sure.. I'll never stop daydreaming until I figured out how I'll be able to live my halcyonic life. Just keep the faith self, keep the faith.