KristinAtilano in 30 Days - Day 02

Day 02

The meaning behind your blogger name.

I used to name my blog KRISTINIONS, Kristin’s opinions but I changed it 3 years ago to KRISTINATILANO. So if ever I get famous it would be easy to track my blog. Kidding! I just want my blog to be me.

KristinAtilano in 30 Days - Day 01

A Recent Picture of you and 15 interesting facts about you.

1. I enjoy writing so much but usually there’s only one person who reads my works, ME!

2. I always dream of becoming a fashion designer, and a newscaster in one.

3. when I was little I wanted to be an actress, but it was just recently that I realized that I suck at it (acting). ☺

4. I still watch Disney shows, I’m a kid at heart.

5. I also enjoy reading books, I love going to places just to read. I read all kinds of books.

6. I prefer staying in than going out on a weekend night, but I still party every once in a while.

7. I prefer high heels over flats, but I have a very weak right ankle.

8. I secretly wish it would rain at least once a month so I can wear my Wellington boots. They’re made for rain, right?

9. I watch/watched Gossip Girl, Pretty Little Liars, The OC and The Hills for fashion inspiration.

10. I would love to attend the biggest fashion weeks NYC, Paris and London!

11. I always wanted to be brushing elbows with Pinky Webb, she’s so classy and smart.

12. I love classic pieces, often get them from vintage stores (read as: ukay-ukay) and a "store" called my mom or aunt’s closets.

13. I splurge on clothes!

14. I would like to work for VOGUE someday. Thank you.

15. I have no idea how, but I would like to leave a mark and make an impact to others.

KristinAtilano in 30 days

So I'm doing/posting something in this blog for 30 days. I was supposed to start on the 1st (yesterday) but knowing me, the president of procrastination so I ended up starting today. And besides our connection at home was down yesterday.

So here's what I'm going to do for the next 30 days:

Day 01- A recent picture of you and 15 interesting facts about yourself

Day 02- The meaning behind your Blogger name

Day 03- A picture of you and your friends

Day 04- A habit that you wish you didn’t have

Day 05- A picture of somewhere you’ve been to

Day 06- Favorite super hero and why

Day 07- A picture of someone/something that has the biggest impact on you

Day 08- Short term goals for this month and why

Day 09- Something you’re proud of in the past few days

Day 10- Songs you listen to when you are Happy, Sad, Bored, Hyped, Mad

Day 11- Another picture of you and your friends

Day 12- How you found out about Blogger and why you made one

Day 13- A letter to someone who has hurt you recently

Day 14- A picture of you and your family

Day 15- Put your iPod on shuffle: First 10 songs that play

Day 16- Another picture of yourself (baby pic!)

Day 17- Someone you would want to switch lives with for one day and why

Day 18- Plans/dreams/goals you have

Day 19- Nicknames you have; why do you have them

Day 20- Someone you see yourself marrying/being with in the future

Day 21- A picture of something that makes you happy

Day 22- What makes you different from everyone else

Day 23- Something you crave for a lot

Day 24- A letter to your parents

Day 25- What I would find in your bag

Day 26- What you think about your friends

Day 27- Why are you doing this 30 day challenge

Day 28- A picture of you last year and now, how have you changed since then?

Day 29- In this past month, what have you learned

Day 30- Who are you?

Where You'd Go With an Unlimited Budget?

Ok so I had a similar post about 2 years ago, but if you read it, it's quite different. It was more of a fantasy, although having an unlimited budget is still a fantasy and a far out concept for me as of the moment. (But you wait and see! Hahaha!) Anyway, let's stick to the subject... If I have an unlimited budget where'd I want to go?

Only the circumstances have changed, I'm a gazillionaire now, not a jumper, so it'll be hard for me to just jump from one place to another in a matter of seconds let's be realistic here people. And since I'm a gazillionaire, I don't have to work a day in my life, and I have all the time in this world to travel, shop, eat, sleep and repeat.

So I would probably stay in Italy for a couple of months, I'll visit Rome, the Vatican, Milan, Florence, and Tuscany. I'll pull an Eat Pray Love stunt but only the EAT part. And of course a lot of shopping! And maybe find myself a hot Italiano!

I chose Italy because it's a country where my two loves are very famous: fashion + food. And no sane person would say no to a 2 month stay in Italy only doing shopping, eating, and doing whatever tourists do.

Reality and Fairytale

When I was a kid, living in a city like Manila is a fairytale for me. I pictured Manila as a dream because almost every local movie I've watched was filmed in this very wonderful city. I like the idea of walking along the busy streets of the metro, the hustle and bustle of a big city. The skyscrapers are a site to behold for me, compared to the never ending fields and coasts that I always see from my hometown.

But now that I'm older and has been living in Manila for half a decade the tides have changed, Manila became my reality and my little coastal hometown has become my fairytale. I always looked forward to going back to my hometown, I just can't get enough of the quiet and serenity of the place, it's an escape away from the hustle and bustle of the big city which I used to really love. And the fields and coasts that I used to hate feels like a birthday present for me everytime I see them, they just don't fail to put a smile not only on my face but in my heart.

Whoever said that the only constant thing in this world is change was right. And just because you like something now, it doesn't always mean that you'll still like it in a year or two. Maybe we humans don't just have that satisfaction. It's funny and ironic at the same time when I think about how I loved the city and hated my hometown back then, but now it's the other way around.

Little Wish

I had this little wish 3 years ago but not until a few weeks back that it almost became a reality. Well, operative word is almost because as of the moment it's still not granted but I have a feeling that it will be... But I have this mixed feeling about it, half of my heart wants it so bad to realize right at this very moment but also half of my heart doesn't want it to come true and just stay a wish/dream forever. This wish as I've said is just a little wish, not really life changing. Wait. I take it back. Though little it is life changing. Never underestimate the butterfly effect. Anyway, I really wanted it to come true that's why I wish for it on the first place, but when it almost happened I wished that it wouldn't just yet. I just can't grasp the thought of it coming true, because I wouldn't have anything to look forward to. I admit this wish is what keeps me going and what keeps me striving for some even bigger dreams. So I know the big guy up there is a little confused , and I'm sorry for that.

I bet when I'll tell you what my wish is you'll raise your eyebrows up to the crown of your heads, so I might as well not tell you. It's just petty.. and when I say petty it's more petty than petty. Do I make sense to you? I'm not really sure, I'm quite floating these past few weeks. So, I'll let you know when I'm sane. ☺

The Week That Was

Insane week I had, it was like a roller coaster ride! Roller coasters are fun but when you ride it long enough you'd just want to get off it and just sit on the bench and close your eyes for a few minutes while you gather every piece of you that has been shooting towards every direction while on the ride. I'll say that I had fun, but I'm also glad that it's over.

A Beautiful Mess

And here I am thinking that it was father's day yesterday. I was quite horrified this morning when I read on Facebook that it was father's day yesterday (only in Lithuania) because I've forgotten to call my grandpa, greet my uncles and my dad. Because if it was father's day yesterday I would be toast! I will not stop hearing about it from my grandma that I forgot my grandpa on father's day. My father though, I doubt if he will even care if I greet him or not. But I silently hope he does.

I know I may seem not to care about him, but I still do. In fact I really do. I might remind myself sometimes that I've moved on, and have lived 80% of my life without him but the little girl inside me hesitates to do so. In fact, there are times that I wish it's my birthday or it's Christmas so I would get a text from him. And when I'm deciding on something, I imagine what my dad would think about it. I was such a daddy's girl before he and my mom separated, but after that we lost communication and just reconnected after college and about 4 years ago that line has gone choppy.

I'm not really sure what my writing is about today, or why am I writing on the first place. But I just feel something... I can't pinpoint what that is but I know I'm feeling a void that only him can fill.

Maybe I just miss him, and maybe he misses me too (a girl can dream). But I really wish that everything will be well between us, in time. And I would really love to make up with all the time that we've lost. And I also wish that forgetting about something that we both did and didn't do is just as easy as SHIFT + DEL on the keyboard and no trace will be left, it'll be like it never even existed.

But I have no regrets in everything that ever happened to our family, it's like a beautiful mess. And I still believe that everything happens for a reason and everything has an explanation whether good or bad, it's just a matter of how you see life.

Off to Malta

I just came from a month-long vacation, and now I'm planning yet another vacation! I'm planning to visit Malta within the year (cross my fingers). I remember that during UN month on my first grade, I was asked to represent the country and I swore to myself that one day I'm going to visit the place. Actually, Malta was the second country I wanted to visit when I was just 6 years old, the first was Austria because I wanted to sing with Froilan Maria and the Von Trapp family singers! That was before I realized that I can never sing with them, not with this voice who can summon a storm! Anyway, I'm looking forward for this trip, this will mark 25th year of my existence on earth.

Sorry Blog

Dear Blog,

I am really sorry for taking you for granted. I know you've been there for me when I was feeling so down, you've been my shock absorber, you've listened to all my rantings and musings. And I'm sorry if I haven't been updating you with my whereabouts and whatnots. I know you kind of felt bad because I didn't share anything to you about my recent vacation, and the birthday post tradition that we tried to keep for the past 4 years. To tell you the truth, I tried forgetting you and tried befriending your little cousin name tumblr, but we just don't click. I tried to forget both of you at once but you see I failed. I know I did this to you a lot of times but I keep coming back and you keep letting me back in.

I just want to say thank you, and I promise to update you when I'm not tweeting. ☺

Lots of ♥♥♥,

(You can see that I'm sincere because of the tiny hearts that I put. ☺)

Kristin

Dare Day 1

It's already November and as I backtracked all my blog entries I only made a total of 21 as opposed to the 44 I had at this time of the year last year. It's not that I packed all my stuff up and lived in a cave, nor did I go backpacking in Mars. Blogging requires a lot of thinking but this doesn't necessarily means that all my posts made sense, it's just that tweeting is easier to do. Just spew words less than 140 characters and you're good to go. So I got into a dare with my friends that I'll be blogging every single day that I tweet. I'm not really sure if I'm up for this but the dare was already made so that left me with no choice.

And this is my first entry since the dare started, so please bear with the very sensible post that I'm making. I promise (again) I'll be better.

Sammie and Lexi are you happy now? Hahaha! Love you gels.

Dream, Dream, Dream

I have this recurring dream for the past 3 days. I'm always someplace where I've never been in real life. At first, the setting was in a forest, with foliages, and waterfalls, the place reminds me of the waterfalls in Puerto Rico where they filmed Wizards of Waverly Place the Movie. Then there's this guy, I don't know who he was because I can't see his face but I'm pretty sure he was a guy. He held my hand and ushered me near the falls, his touch felt so warm and safe. I felt like I know him forever and.. hate to say this but I felt like I love him. I can feel a connection between us. We never got to the falls because I woke up.

The second dream, we met again, in a beaten path on a cliff. This time I can almost see his face, just almost but I never got to see it. We talked about the things that we saw along the way, his voice doesn't sound familiar but I know that I could trust him. When we reach the top of the cliff he told me to stay close to him, because somewhere along the climb I know I told him that I have fear of heights. Then my alarm went off and I woke up again.

And in the third dream, I was on a secluded beach. I saw someone parasailing, and I knew that it was him again. I don't know how he did it but after I blinked he was right beside me. He told me that a little sunshine does me good. He asked if I want to go sailing with him or just lay on the sand. I said that I'd love it if we'll just stay on the hammock tied between the two coconut trees. He let me stay in the hammock, and I fell asleep (in the dream). Then my alarm went off again. Damn this alarm.

So last night, I decided not to set my alarm because there's a part of me that wishes to see him again and maybe see his face too. Lucky me, I didn't dream of him last night and I was almost late for work because I overslept, and because some pathetic loser DID NOT SET HER ALARM.

An Open Letter to Pepeng

Dear Pepeng,

You know we Filipinos are very hospitable but I'm really sorry, we can't accomodate you this time, it is known that your brother Ondoy just visited us last weekend and we have already given him almost everything we've got, even some of our loved ones and we are still coping with our loss.

Can you please skip our country and maybe go to South China sea instead? I know it's not as big as the Pacific Ocean where you came from but maybe you'll love it there. Who knows, right? Maybe a little fun under the sun will do you good.

I am hoping you'll grant my little request.

Your friend,

Kristin

Reverie

As much as possible I keep my mind from wandering when I'm off to bed, having no thoughts at all makes me drift off to sleep easily. But when I'm riding my way to work, that's when I let my thoughts go wandering.

Sometimes I think about having the coolest job ever, like being paid to travel the world, there are also times when I think about how I should've acted or reacted on situations that already happened. And often times I think about my dream job, and dream life. There's a dream job but of course it won't guarantee us the life that we dream about, but I still think about it. Who cares? These are my thoughts anyways!

So back to my thoughts today. I'm a rockstar. I was riding in a limo from the Ritz Hotel where I'm staying in London to the concert venue, the O2 arena. When I got off the limo, paparazzi were everywhere! And all the press were there hoping to score even a minute with me. The security had a hard time ushering me backstage, the crowd was mad! AfterI got backstage, I got ready. Had my costume and make-up and tuned my guitar, the concert was about to start. I was told by the production assistant that I'm on. I went center stage, just when I was about to start singing I heard a fan sigh "Oh my god", or so I thought. That's where I was pulled from my reverie. I realized I'm not in a limo nor going to MY concert, no fans waiting, cheering and screaming for me but I'm on a shuttle on my way to work, where my deskful of reports that needs to be done is waiting for me.

I don't know why I wrote this entry but I think part of me wants you to know what I dream about and how carried away I am sometimes with my thoughts. I don't really know. But one thing I'm sure about, I dream a lot! And I think that's the only way that I can be anything that I want to be.

I Love NYC

I went home for a week to contemplate over some things, unfortunately no contemplation was done back home. But I did just this past week. I've been thinking of leaving my job (again) but this time it's for real, no more cold feet and whatever it is that held me back before. My friend Joannie asked me to move to NYC with her next year, we'll be roomies for a while maybe until I can find a job that will be able to pay for a decent apartment. She's been asking me forever to move to the states, the other year she asked me to move in with her, but due to financial instability on my part (blame it on shopping and trips to wherever) I wasn't able to do so. But this time I'm kind of prepared already. I've been saving up for a while now, mind you no new expensive stuff for me this year (except for the shoes that I already paid and pre-ordered last year), and my mom is also on board about me moving to NYC. She promised to pay for my fare back home if ever I won't make it there, but I'm positive and crossing my fingers that I'll make it, not just make it but make it BIG in the BIG APPLE.

I always love New York, I love the weather there. I grew up in a tropical country but I sure love the four seasons! And I don't know if it's just me but I think the women there are very fashionable, very NY chic! And I won't mind taking the subways, walking five blocks or more nor the blaring sirens in the middle of the night. Moving in to the big city is a big step for me, but this is a once in a lifetime chance, I really need to take this. So what if I won't make it there? I can always find my way back home and shrug it off and say "at least I tried".

I am so excited about this that I don't spend my money anymore on anything 'cute' or 'nice' that I see. And I don't go out that much anymore, I spend most of my spare time in my room reading or having a DVD marathon of SATC and Gossip Girl. See, even my choices of TV programs are/were filmed in the city.

I am not expecting to go the SATC way, but maybe something similar. I'm not looking for love in NYC but I'm definitely looking for labels! We all know the biggest flagship stores of the biggest fashion labels are there. And definitely looking forward to Saks Fifth Avenue and Barneys New York! I know they're stores are bigger in NYC than in LA.

Ok stop. I need to focus on saving up first before drowning my hard earned money on all the designer stuff.

And by the way, the thing that sealed the deal? I took 2 different quizzes in facebook about "Where you should live" and "What state in the US you should live" and both resulted to New York City. I know it's lame but it only shows that I'll fit in New York. :)

Home Is Where The Heart Is

I'm back! Not only here in Blogger but also in the city and definitely at work. I went home last Saturday (18th) in the province for my dad's (my grandfather) birthday. I think the one-week break made me better physically, emotionally, spiritually as well as financially (thanks my dear family). When I was home, all I did was just eat, sleep and swimming almost everyday. I really had a great time. Unfortunately, I wasn't able to bond with one of my favorite people: my youngest cousin Krizle. She wasn't able to come home because of her summer internship. I only got to spend an hour with her when they sent me off at the airport.

I'm missing dad and mom, my momma, my aunts and cousins. Our gathering for our dad's birthday is not as fun as it used to because we're not complete. My brother and three cousins as well as my three nieces weren't there. But still it's fun. Just seeing some of our family members is fun enough for me.

It's just ironic because when I'm here in the city I always wish to come home, but when I was there I realized that the province is not my home anymore. It's our family's home but this city is my home now, it feels homier here than anywhere else. Maybe because I made this my home myself.

Why I'm Not Updating?

I'm blaming Plurk and Facebook. :p

Don't really have to think of something to write, all you got to do is just spew words! Hahaha.

Chasing Harry Winston, Are We?

I have some of my closest friends that already tied the knot and most of my not so close friends also want to go down that road too. I've been bombarded with questions lately by family members and mostly friends, either long time or just acquaintances, and every time I am asked that dreaded question my almost automatic answer would be "It's not on my 5 year timeline but I'm considering of getting there someday", and sometimes I just answer them back with a question "Is there one for sale?". And most times if not every time after I answered their question they have this look. the weird look., the what-planet-are you-from look! I must say that I'm amused of their reactions but often times confused. When a girl my age (23) is getting married some assumes that maybe that girl is knocked up, and if not they would question why is she doing it at such a young age, but on my case and cases of women like me who happen to be career-oriented we get raised eyebrows and lines like "You are not getting any younger", "you need to settle down". So it sometimes get really confusing. The people around us just need to figure where they stand.

Speaking for myself, I never really imagined myself getting married, even a sa kid. Ok, I think I had, when I had my first serious relationship that lasted longer than my affair with Karl Marx (Sociology 1). That time, dare I say it I was deeply in love, that's what I thought before he dumped me for a girl that his mom wants for him. And he said he's considering taking her as his wife even if he didn't like her because he didn't want to disappoint her mom. And to think he was only a Junior in college! And I think that marriage planning of me and him jinxed it all (but thinking about it now, I'm still thankful. I can't be with someone who can't decide for himself). So that was my first and only in 10 years I hope (6 years down). I can't really say that that that's the reason, but maybe it all boils down to me afraid of de javu, I came from a broken family and getting over your parents break up is a tough call. And I never want to go that road in this lifetime again. Call me selfish but I just happen to love me, and doesn't want me to get hurt again.

Maybe you're wondering why the serious post? Nothing really serious happened, I'm just turning 24 next month and within a week I got asked with that dreaded question more than 5 times in just a matter of week. Also I just happen to finish reading Lauren Weisberger's Chasing Harry Winston.

I'm not chasing *Harry Winston, not anytime soon. But I'm open to the idea when the timing is right and with the right person. Why not? But the much bigger question is when do we know if the person and timing is right?

*Harry Winston Diamond Corporation is a specialist diamond enterprise with premium assets in the mining and retail segments of the diamond industry. The Company supplies rough diamonds to the global market from its 40% interest in the Diavik Diamond Mine, located in Canada’s Northwest Territories. The Company’s retail division, Harry Winston Inc., is a premier diamond jeweler and luxury timepiece retailer with salons in key locations including New York, Paris, London, Beijing, Tokyo and Beverly Hills. Thus they are known for their engagement rings.

WE Came Back

I had one of those "awakening" moment in one's life over the weekend. And because it happened at the first day of the month, and of the week (Sunday) it must really mean something, right?

I thought I was having one of those lazy Sundays I'm used to have but out of the blue the least person that I expected to contact me did sent me a message. He wants us to meet up, it wasn't the first time he asked me that but I kept on delaying and there was one time that I ignored his message, as if I didn't receive it. But last Sunday was different, or should I say I felt different. I gave in to his suggestion and we met up. It's funny because what I thought to be an awkward situation, isn't 'that' awkward after all. I remembered the last time we talked I was hurting and acted like a total bitch to him (which I think is justifiable because of what he did to me). And it really surprised me because we took off the same place where we got off. As if nothing ever happened, as if one of us just went on a long vacation in a remote island with no means of communication whatsoever.

I never felt so relieved in my entire life (except for that one time I crashed my friend's motorcycle and I haven't had a scratch), he's like my other half, my life ain't complete without him. And not being able to talk to him for 4 months was the longest 4 months of my life. I was floating during those for months, I had happy moments but I can't be happier because I wasn't able to share it with him.

I know that we should talk things to be able to move on, but I think were not of that kind. In our species, we forgive and we forget. No ifs, no buts. Maybe that's always how it is when it comes to family. (No Sam, I'm not talking about Mr. D. I'm talking about my brother. And about Mr. D, we're friends (estranged friends! Hahaha) Because we know in our hearts that no matter what we do and what we'll ever do our family will always be there for us at the end of the day.

Movies Moved Me!

I finally watched Slumdog Millionaire and I can say that Slumdog is a great movie. To tell you the truth, while I was watching the Oscar's I was praying that Benjamin Button will win the Best Picture but when it didn't I was kind of disappointed so to prove myself wrong that maybe Slumdog deserves to win the Best Picture award I watched the movie.

After watching the movie I can finally agree with the Academy, I can tell a lot of good things about the movie, but sometimes I think that Slumdog is more like August Rush, the protagonist (Jamal) is either his life is just so full of coincidences or he's just plain lucky. Imagine the things he'd been through as well as Latika and yet they still find their way to each other. And the journey to each other's arms is just to tragic for me, it seemed like the universe conspired to break them apart since day 1, but at least the movie had a happy ending, right? Is dancing with "your destiny" on the train station considered a happy ending? I really hope so.

So if you want to watch an award worthy film, watch this movie. The next movie that I'll be watching later will be The Reader, I heard it's a great film too. Sad that I can't say the same for Revolutionary Road, the plot is just too complicated for me but the acting is really superb! Leo and Kate are more than great in this film. I cried with both of them, and Kate left me wondering what the h*ll could be possibly wrong with her, her character is tad complicated and problematic, one minute I thought she was having this psychological disorder. It's one of those movies that has a dark ending, or not so dark. Though I didn't like the plot of the movie, the actors and the acting is worth watching.