Would You Rather be the Dumpee or the Dumper?

A really close friend and I were talking chatting, this afternoon over Viber while I was trying to reorganize my room for the millionth time. We talked about a lot of stuff; we talked about the things we did when we were younger, our good ol’ college days and of course the guys that we dated. We visited our exes’ Facebook pages and tried to get some hints on where they are now and what they look like. And we both have the same conclusion, “thank god we didn't end up together”. They’re not really that bad they're actually family men now, we just think that if our relationships worked out, we won’t be able to do the things that we were or still able to do. For sure, we would be married by now, have kids and maybe become full-time housewives. God, I can’t picture myself not going to work every day! We had a good laugh and then out of the blue my friend asked me this question: Would you rather be the dumpee or the dumper?

I've been both the dumper and the dumpee at some point of my life, but I've always been a dumper. No, it's not a proud moment for me. In fact, I see it as my weakest point. I am a commitmentphobe, so basically I am pistanthrophobic as well. Pistanthrophobia if you ask is a fear of trusting people. If you dig deep or read through my posts in this blog you will know that this fear is caused by the things that happened before I've even reached my teenage years. My father was my most favorite person in the world. My father and I did almost all things together, I was the typical daddy's girl. Then a terrible thing happened, my parents broke up when I was still in second grade and from then on my brother and I stayed with my maternal grandparents while my mom was making a living here in the metro. My father used to write us letters every month, then the letters became cards that were only sent during our birthdays and Christmases and after a couple of years he just stopped. From fourth grade to college I had no contact with him. And  because of that I've come to accept that you can't trust anyone because even your greatest personal superhero won't be there for you. 

So much of the history and flashbacks (I'm teary-eyed again, when will this ever stop?) now back to the real reason why I'm writing this blog post. I'm a scaredy-cat when it comes to relationships, when I feel that it's getting serious I back out like I'm on autopilot. Hence, the dumper. If you think that the dumpers' situation is easier... no, it's definitely not! But because I have this selfish thought that I'd rather be someone who will cause pain now than be pained on a greater scale later, it justifies me being the dumper. 

I've experienced being the dumpee too more than I wanted to be. And that's one of the reasons why I became a dumper. Being a dumpee brings your morale so low that it will reach the center of the earth and it'll be hard for you to bring it back up. It'll take too much work and time to bring it back to the face of the earth. And when you're able to do so, you open up and then unknowingly you're sinking back to the center of the earth once again. It's a vicious cycle. It's like you're only given time to stand back up just so they'll be able to push you down once again. 

Now that I thought about it I realized that I need to shed my selfish thoughts and faux strength and let things take it's natural course. I'd rather be hurt than be the person who causes hurt. I know it'll be hard for me because I love myself way too much to allow myself to be pained but I know it is the right thing to do. 

PS I actually don't leave a person because he doesn't like me or I don't like him (I can't say love, because it really is a big word for me. And I'll only be able to say it when I mean it.), actually it's the other way around. I leave him because I think I like him or he likes me too much and I'm afraid that I'll hurt myself in the process. Selfish, yes. Dumping someone is kind of a self-defense for me. But definitely not healthy emotionally. And so I came to a conclusion that from now on, I'd rather be the dumpee than the dumper. But if you're not in a healthy relationship and worst you're being abused, being a dumpee is not an option. Go ahead and dump that person ASAP!

This Year (2013)

This doesn't count as New Year's resolution, does it? Anyway, I'll try to be this person this year. Yes to think positively and dance more! 

Also, one thing that I'll never try to be....

Bitter Isn't the New Black

I've read the book entitled Bitter is the New Black, and it inspired me to write this entry. 

Jen Lancaster was living the sweet life-until real life kicked her to the curb. 

She had the perfect man, the perfect job-hell, she had the perfect life-and there was no reason to think it wouldn't last. Or maybe there was, but Jen Lancaster was too busy being manicured, pedicured, highlighted, and generally adored to notice. 

This is the smart-mouthed, soul-searching story of a woman trying to figure out what happens next when she's gone from six figures to unemployment checks and she stops to reconsider some of the less-than-rosy attitudes and values she thought she'd never have to answer for when times were good. 

Filled with caustic wit and unusual insight, it's a rollicking read as speedy and unpredictable as the trajectory of a burst balloon.

I kind of had or have the same story. I won't say I was a woman in power before I quit my job, but I kind of did have that. I was the only woman in a department of 14, and a senior IT. Well, I think they got really no choice, I've been with the company for 7 years. So I was a senior, in terms of years being with the company I worked for. After reading the book (which by the way I read a few weeks before quitting my job), I took the risk of quitting my job. I had no back-up plan whatsoever but I still did it anyway.

It was hard, no, it is still hard. I've no idea what I signed up for, or better yet what I resigned for. I don't know how to be idle, the longest I've been out of work is when I requested a month's break, but that was spent travelling. So, it was kind of a different story. But when I resigned, it was for real! It's been over 5 months since I quit my job, I haven't got a job yet technically. I got hired, but I will be starting next month. But to be utterly honest I don't know if that's what I really want to do. I've been trying to figure out what my dream job is, to not make the same mistake again. And waste another 7 years of my life trapped in a job that I don't love. Well, it pays the bills so I have no choice but to love it. But still, I want to do something that doesn't feel like a job because I am passionate about it. I envy those people who have finally found their niche in life. I wish I were one of them.

I started to regret my decision, and currently second guessing myself. I am in no way having my ducks in line. If anything, my ducks are quite a mess, they're in a very crooked line! I spend almost every night reviewing everything that's happened the past months, and at the same time wondering what if I never quit? I am a total wreck these days. Not knowing where to go next. I always say that everything happens for a reason, and I really hope that there's a reason behind all these. Being a grown up really sucks, but I can never be bitter about. I know myself well, and I know I'm not the type of person that dwells on what ifs and what nots.  I'll never be bitter about life. I can make it through this.

Dream, Dream, Dream

I have this recurring dream for the past 3 days. I'm always someplace where I've never been in real life. At first, the setting was in a forest, with foliages, and waterfalls, the place reminds me of the waterfalls in Puerto Rico where they filmed Wizards of Waverly Place the Movie. Then there's this guy, I don't know who he was because I can't see his face but I'm pretty sure he was a guy. He held my hand and ushered me near the falls, his touch felt so warm and safe. I felt like I know him forever and.. hate to say this but I felt like I love him. I can feel a connection between us. We never got to the falls because I woke up.

The second dream, we met again, in a beaten path on a cliff. This time I can almost see his face, just almost but I never got to see it. We talked about the things that we saw along the way, his voice doesn't sound familiar but I know that I could trust him. When we reach the top of the cliff he told me to stay close to him, because somewhere along the climb I know I told him that I have fear of heights. Then my alarm went off and I woke up again.

And in the third dream, I was on a secluded beach. I saw someone parasailing, and I knew that it was him again. I don't know how he did it but after I blinked he was right beside me. He told me that a little sunshine does me good. He asked if I want to go sailing with him or just lay on the sand. I said that I'd love it if we'll just stay on the hammock tied between the two coconut trees. He let me stay in the hammock, and I fell asleep (in the dream). Then my alarm went off again. Damn this alarm.

So last night, I decided not to set my alarm because there's a part of me that wishes to see him again and maybe see his face too. Lucky me, I didn't dream of him last night and I was almost late for work because I overslept, and because some pathetic loser DID NOT SET HER ALARM.

I Love NYC

I went home for a week to contemplate over some things, unfortunately no contemplation was done back home. But I did just this past week. I've been thinking of leaving my job (again) but this time it's for real, no more cold feet and whatever it is that held me back before. My friend Joannie asked me to move to NYC with her next year, we'll be roomies for a while maybe until I can find a job that will be able to pay for a decent apartment. She's been asking me forever to move to the states, the other year she asked me to move in with her, but due to financial instability on my part (blame it on shopping and trips to wherever) I wasn't able to do so. But this time I'm kind of prepared already. I've been saving up for a while now, mind you no new expensive stuff for me this year (except for the shoes that I already paid and pre-ordered last year), and my mom is also on board about me moving to NYC. She promised to pay for my fare back home if ever I won't make it there, but I'm positive and crossing my fingers that I'll make it, not just make it but make it BIG in the BIG APPLE.

I always love New York, I love the weather there. I grew up in a tropical country but I sure love the four seasons! And I don't know if it's just me but I think the women there are very fashionable, very NY chic! And I won't mind taking the subways, walking five blocks or more nor the blaring sirens in the middle of the night. Moving in to the big city is a big step for me, but this is a once in a lifetime chance, I really need to take this. So what if I won't make it there? I can always find my way back home and shrug it off and say "at least I tried".

I am so excited about this that I don't spend my money anymore on anything 'cute' or 'nice' that I see. And I don't go out that much anymore, I spend most of my spare time in my room reading or having a DVD marathon of SATC and Gossip Girl. See, even my choices of TV programs are/were filmed in the city.

I am not expecting to go the SATC way, but maybe something similar. I'm not looking for love in NYC but I'm definitely looking for labels! We all know the biggest flagship stores of the biggest fashion labels are there. And definitely looking forward to Saks Fifth Avenue and Barneys New York! I know they're stores are bigger in NYC than in LA.

Ok stop. I need to focus on saving up first before drowning my hard earned money on all the designer stuff.

And by the way, the thing that sealed the deal? I took 2 different quizzes in facebook about "Where you should live" and "What state in the US you should live" and both resulted to New York City. I know it's lame but it only shows that I'll fit in New York. :)

Home Is Where The Heart Is

I'm back! Not only here in Blogger but also in the city and definitely at work. I went home last Saturday (18th) in the province for my dad's (my grandfather) birthday. I think the one-week break made me better physically, emotionally, spiritually as well as financially (thanks my dear family). When I was home, all I did was just eat, sleep and swimming almost everyday. I really had a great time. Unfortunately, I wasn't able to bond with one of my favorite people: my youngest cousin Krizle. She wasn't able to come home because of her summer internship. I only got to spend an hour with her when they sent me off at the airport.

I'm missing dad and mom, my momma, my aunts and cousins. Our gathering for our dad's birthday is not as fun as it used to because we're not complete. My brother and three cousins as well as my three nieces weren't there. But still it's fun. Just seeing some of our family members is fun enough for me.

It's just ironic because when I'm here in the city I always wish to come home, but when I was there I realized that the province is not my home anymore. It's our family's home but this city is my home now, it feels homier here than anywhere else. Maybe because I made this my home myself.

Messed Up

I want to do many things this year, something that I haven't done in my entire life. Say bungee jumping, sky diving, whitewater rafting and the likes. For some who don't know me that much and have only seen me once or twice you'll never imagine that I'm that kind of person. Everyone's perception of me is that I'm the biggest dork they've ever seen! I don't look sporty nor dress up like one. I'm just your typical dorkerella, but deep inside me is an adventurer, a risk-taker (as long as the risk is not that much because I still believe in Spice Girls' "too much of something is bad enough"). But there are also some stuff I want to do that doesn't involve me breaking every bone in my body or drowning. I want to go and see the world. Meet people of different races, and try to live their life (way of living) for a while. I want to do so many things this year!

For starters, I want to read more books than last year. And so far I've read Amy Tan's Saving Fish from Drowning, reread Paulo's The Alchemist (I thought it was timely for the start of the year) and I'm starting to read another one, Leo Tolstoy's Anna Karenina. And I got a lot of books lined up for the upcoming months. The down part is, when I'm at home I don't get to read anything aside from my monthly subscriptions of Cosmo, RDAsia, and other mags that have my favorite stars on the cover. And mind you, reading these mags is a challenge to me already because there's just so much to do at home like keeping my closet tidy, doing the laundry (yes i do that on my own now to save some cash), drawing/sketching, watching movies (which I've been doing lately, averaging 2 movies a day) and of course the most important thing *drum roll* sleeping! So it's really tough to keep up with the things-i-wanna-do thingy.

And just like now, I've planned to continue reading the book but the computer and internet tandem is really a temptress! So now I ended up closing the book and blog! And speaking of blog I also want to change my blog's look but I just don't have the time now to make a new header. Sigh. I am pretty messed up. I need time-management tips (and can you also toss some financial management tips on the side?) pronto!

Since I'm pretty messed up... let's make this entry messed up too. And here's a segue to the Shopaholic series by Sophie Kinsella, they have a film version of it and will be realeased next month. I am not really excited about this movie because they made Becky Bloomwood all-American! She can't be! The Becky Bloomwood I know is bloody BRITISH as well as Luke and she shops at Harrod's not Barney's (not until she went to NYC)! I just can't get over it, Becky is supposed to be in London because New York is Lizzie Nichol's! Whatever !I'm still watching it! Just want to have a few good laughs. I miss watching chick flicks these days.

Speaking of chick flicks, I finally picked my favorite stars. It's a triple tie! Julia Roberts, Cameron Diaz and Kate Hudson. I figured they are my favorite because during my christmas vacay most of my days were spent watching every movies of these three ladies. I really, really want to be friends with them! I'm pretty messed up like that! Hahaha! And they're not just funny on movies, even in real life. You should watch Cam and Kate's tv show guestings, really funny!

Ok enough of this crap. I promise I'll post something better than this next time. Ok I take that back, I won't promise, I'll just try. Ciao!

Celebrate Love

Wow! It's barely a couple of weeks before Christmas. I am so excited to give presents to the people I love. I can't believe that I'm almost done with my Christmas shopping, as you can remember that last year I was on a last minute shopping. So this year is really different. I'm not in any sort of rush.

As to where to spend the holidays, I'm not really sure. My initial plan was to come home to the province and spend the holidays with my family there, but there are some major changes now. Turns out I'm not going to spend it in Zamboanga. Truth is, I really don't know where I'll be spending it. My mom and I are going to meet somewhere, she haven't told me the details yet, and by details I mean where and when. So it's really a surprise for me. I'm leaving everything to her now. I trust her because I know my mom too well and I know that she'll never put me in a bad position, and in my case, I place that I wouldn't like. And for sure that place will be really fun and cool. And knowing my mom, that place should have a very nice place for shopping. I am so excited! Or not. Because I so hate surprises! I've been begging my mom to give me some clues but her lips are very sealed. So I just need to be very patient.

I got my mom the phone that she's been lusting for quite sometime now. I also got my younger and college cousins some cool gadgets. Because I am a cool ate! Hahaha! I wish they see me as cool though. Ooops, I think I need to stop revealing my presents so not to spoil their excitement.

I don't expect any in return, because I give gifts because I wanted to and I think they deserve it not because I expect something in return.

Also, I've been listening to Jordan Pruitt's Celebrate Love. I really love the song.

Celebrate Love - Jordan Pruitt

Advance happy holidays everyone!

Don't Go Leaving...

Don't you just hate it when someone leaves without telling you the reason? And when they get back they pretend that everything's fine and like they didn't leave at all.

That's what I'm going through now, I have these 2 persons who left me without telling me why. Person A was the first to leave, mid August. I thought we were good and out of the blue he told me that he had to leave, and then he did and left me hanging. I was really devastated because I didn't see it coming, I didn't picture us apart that soon.

Well anyway, yesterday I got a call from him and told me that he got back the other day and wants to hang out the way we did before. "As if I never left" that's what he said. Say what? So, he just wants me to pretend that everything is cool between us when it's not? I can't do that! I just got over his leaving me, and now he wants to hang around because maybe... just maybe he wants to stick around longer? The hell he does. So what does that make me? A hotel receptionist welcoming him when he arrives and just smile and wave when he wants to take off again?

I got to admit, he's offer is tempting but I need to get my guards up this time. I don't want to go over brooding all over again.

And this Person B he left just recently, still I don't why. Actually, I have some idea why but I want to hear it straight from him. I know I'm not the reason he left but I can't just imagine him throwing away his life for just a person. Though I know that he needs to clear his mind and get his ducks in a row but still running away is not the answer. Maybe we're just two different persons because if something went wrong in my life I won't be running away. I face the problems and try to figure out where did I go wrong. Person B rarely communicates with me now. I know I'm not his favorite person now because he knows me well that I'm only going to give him a lecture about responsibilities and everything. I wish him well, specially in this season.

Well, I just hope everyone's well and good for the holidays. And please if you have any opinion or comment about what I'm going to do with person A, feel free to post your thoughts. :)

I Got It All

I got the brother problem. I got the flu. I got tonsillitis. I got the biggest zits (3 of them). I got the stuffiest nose. But who cares? Who gets to play on Deal or No Deal on Tuesday? It's got to be me!

Wish me luck. :)

I'm Letting Go

... of the life I've planned for me and my dreams
I'm losing control of my destiny
Feels like I'm falling and that's what it's like to believe
So I'm letting go...

This is a giant leap of faith
Trusting and trying to embrace

The fear of the unknown
Beyond my comfort zone.

Giving in to your gravity
Knowing that you are holding me
I'm not afraid

Feels like I'm falling but that's what it's like to believe
Feels like I'm falling but this is the life for me

I' m letting go...

A Night with Nights in Rodanthe

So I told you that after posting the entry before this I'll be reading the Nights in Rodanthe. I did not but did. I did not because I did not read it right after for no reason at all and I did because I've read it during my shift tonight. I also love (once again) and hate Nicholas Sparks at the same time. I love him because he wrote another good novel but I also hate him because he put me in the verge of tears. I really wanted to cry, if only I was at home I could have cried a bucket but then again I'm here at work. It was so hard for me reading the very tear-jerking part and not be able to let loose a single tear because my officemates might notice and would ask me why. If you didn't know, I'm the only femme working with a bunch of guys in our office so it's really hard. When I got to that 'part', my heart was really crushed and I think I felt what Adrienne felt that time. It was like I was the person in the book. The book is at the same time heart-warming and heart-breaking.

I know I've been making one to many contradicting points here, but it is what I'm feeling now. Unlike A Bend in the Road that's tragedy then happiness, this book it's like tragedy-happiness-tragedy-contentment. Though the protagonists of this book are of middle ages but still I can relate to them. I felt the lost of the lady protagonist who went through divorce and found a new love then dealt with the grief of the death of her new found love alone but still found her strength to live each day not just for herself but also for her family. It left me wondering if was there ever a time my mom went through this phase when she and my dad separated. I wondered if like Amanda, Adrienne's daughter I was blinded to my mom's grief and solitude because I was busy running away from everything that happend to our family, and was busy building my own world where I had a picture perfect family. I'm not insensitive when it comes to my family, but as I've been saying I'm no expert. And how would I know if my mom does cry herself to sleep like I do because where miles apart? And I bet she also didn't know that stage of my life because she was also busy dealing with her stuff.

But one thing I've learned from this book, is that nothing can ever make you feel better but yourself, and you won't get over losing someone/something you just get used to the pain and it's up to you if you'll let yourself be eaten by it. It all boils down to you wanting to give up or go on with life. It's a matter of choice.

I just hope that when all else fails life is as simple as CTRL-ALT-DEL.

Too Happy to be Sad

Screw the sad post below, I am too happy to be sad right now. I got the call that I've been waiting for, for like forever! I know I'm exaggerating again, but waiting for almost 3 weeks feels like forever to me, and besides I like to use the word. Anyway, this afternoon I got a call from an unknown number while I was napping, I didn't care to answer my phone suspecting it's from work, maybe they wanted to ask something or worst wants me to come to work earlier. So I didn't answer my phone and tried to sleep again. After my phone rang I regretted not answering it, what if that was the call that I've been waiting for? Then I remembered that I gave them two numbers so if it were the call that I've been waiting for maybe they'll call again through my other number. So I went back to sleep.

When I woke up, I had dinner, then showered after. As I was getting dressed for work my other phone rang and picked it up knowing that only my brother knows my other number and the caller that I've been waiting to call. And I was right! It was the call! I was really nervous at the same time excited. I was stuttering and blabbing maybe. I'm not really sure. All I know is that I'm on, on Monday.

I'll tell you about this call after Monday. I am really giddy and super excited right now.

I am now a fan of John Barrymore's quote "Happiness often sneaks in through a door you didn't know you left open."

Tell me a Funny Story Please

I am sad, not just sad but really,really sad. I can't let anyone know the reason of my sadness as of the moment because a.) I haven't figure out a way to spill it b.) I'm not really good at telling sad stories specially if it involves myself. I don't even know how and where to start.

I know that life is strange but I didn't think it could get this stranger. These past few days I've been having these weird dreams, which consists of a mammoth and an elephant rolled up in bed with me and living in a cave with all the latest technologies. See? It's past weird and went straight to strangeness! And this thing with me and my brother, I don't know what's the cause of this but I feel that's it's getting deeper and we're getting nowhere to clear the air between us. It's just hard because he's the person that I always hang out with, the only person who knows all my most embarrassing moments and the person that I can talk to when I'm feeling sad or just anything. But now I can't even talk to him, we don't see each other anymore. Life sucks when I'm not in talking terms with him.

I really need my mom and some mom meddling in this situation. I miss my brother, I miss my mom. I am really sad.

Can somebody cheer me up? A chat over coffee, smoothie or ice cream will make me feel better.

At this moment, I'm wishing I am friends with Rory and with her mom Lorelei even Lane and Mrs. Kim will do. They're really fun and quirky people. They always know what to say and they give the best punchlines! (I seriously think I better stop watching re-runs of Gilmore Girls anymore).

I watched the season premier of The Hills today because I love the show and it always makes me feel better, but after watching the show it even made me sadder. Lauren, Lo and Audrina are fighting! They can't fight! They are friends, they live together and they're such pretty, pretty friends wearing pretty pretty clothes. You know what's weird about this? I've read the news of them fighting last summer but still I'm affected.

Am I strange? Weird? Peculiar? Tell me.

Jeepney Ride

I've known that our country is undergoing a crisis but I never took it seriously not until yesterday morning when I was commuting my way home. I was waiting for a bus, since Wednesday is a no car/cab day for me. Unfortunately, buses are like cabs they're everywhere when you don't need them but if you do, they're nowhere to be found. After some time waiting, I decided to just take the jeepney since it's just a short commute. After all of us paid our share of fares there was this twenty-something lady asking the driver to give her her change which is Php1.50. The driver wasn't able to hear her because of the loud noise the engine of his jeepney was making. When the lady noticed that the driver wasn't listening to her she called out for her change again, and this time louder. But the driver seemed to not hear her at all. So the lady was like yelling and cursing the driver.

I can't explain what I trully felt that time. I felt sorry for the lady coz I think she really needs every cent she can lay her hands on, maybe her family is on a really tight budget. But I also felt bad for the driver because the lady was cursing him at the top of her lungs, and what if he simply just forgot or just didn't hear the lady?

I know nothing of the lady nor the driver's real side of the story. All I know is that we're all in a very uncovenient, tough, hard and whatever situation now. I really hope I can do something, anything just to be able to help.

Fools Like Me

Here I am again on the road that I often travel, and often times I end up bruised or scraped a knee. But nevertheless when I get to the junction where I have to choose between these two roads: 1.) smooth and safe 2.) unpredictable; full of surprises. I always choose the latter. It’s not that I’m a masochist or anything like it, only that I want challenges and I don’t want to dwell on what ifs. I want to see what awaits for me at the end of the road. Whether it’s a happy ending or not, I don’t really care. At least I’ve tried. And that alone can let me sleep at night not wondering what could be and what not. I love taking risks even if its my own heart that’s at stake.

But I don’t know, I feel like I’m cursed or something… I want to borrow a line from Janet Jackson ‘every time I fall in love it seems to never last’ that best describes it. And more often than not I always fall for guys who think they are born just to play and fool around. And more often than not I’m always in a relationship situation that’s indefinable. The pseudo ones:almost but not quite. Ha! But sometimes it lasts longer than you can imagine, but still it’s just not the real deal.

And here I am again… risking it all for the nth time. But now, it’ll be different. I’ll play my cards well. And I won’t invest as much as I used to. I just hate it when I don’t know if what he’s saying is true or he’s just being funny? I really don’t know! No matter how I try to convince myself that I should just play cool and all, but still my convincing powers doesn’t work and my heart still hopes. I just hope it works and in the end it’ll be a win-win situation.

“Fools like me. How we love blindly. And the cracks won’t count. It’s got to break in front of me.”

Creating an Exciting Life

After a couple of weeks, I'm back to blogging! To tell you the truth, these past 2 weeks I wasn't living my life, it seemed like I was living other person's life. I was being carefree and careless at the same time. I don't know what got into me, I really don't want to dig deeper but all I know I was enjoying every second of it. It also helped me coped with the truth that my brother and I lead different lives now, on different time zones. I am happy for him though, I support his decision of leaving the country and the life that he had always known.

And being away from my mom and now my brother gave a me different perspective in life. And from now on I have a new mantra "I will. Today". I know you've heard that line from the newest Petron ad, but it really helps. Also as I was visiting hemmy.net (one of the sites that I frequently visit), I saw on one of it's daily links' entry about a blog called the positivity blog. The blog is so helpful to me, and the blog reflects my "I will. Today" mantra. And they're latest post is about 7 tips on how to create an exciting life. And I really find it helpful. The 7 tips are as follows:

1. Whatever you believe, you are right. “He can who thinks he can, and he can’t who thinks he can’t. This is an inexorable, indisputable law.”
2. Push your limits. “I am always doing that which I cannot do, in order that I may learn how to do it.”
3. Don’t wait for inspiration or the right moment. “Inspiration exists, but it has to find us working.”
4. Act. “Only put off until tomorrow what you are willing to die having left undone.” “Action is the foundational key to all success.”
5. Ask the right questions. “Others have seen what is and asked why. I have seen what could be and asked why not.”
6. See the hidden beauty by not judging. “If only we could pull out our brain and use only our eyes.”
7. It’s not too late. “Youth has no age.”

And if you want the whole write-up about these 7 tips you should visit the entry in the positivity blog.

I am almost turning a year older, so I would like to apply these to start anew and who wouldn't want to create an exciting life, raise your feet!

Big Girls Still Cry

I was channel flicking early this evening, and it seemed like the universe conspired and all the channels that I was flicking through, there were always people leaving. First stop: on ABS-CBN "Anak" was on air and it was on the scene that the mother was leaving and her family are having teary goodbyes in the airport, then on ETC, the topic on Tyra's show is about leaving the comfort of your abode and lastly.. (i forgot the channel) they were showing Raise Your Voice and it was on the scene that Hilary is remembering her late brother's advice. Sad, so sad!

I've been suppressing this feeling for quite a while now, a month ago the scenario of my brother leaving for abroad is kinda far out, but now it's just around the corner. It's really official and he's leaving really, really soon. Say tomorrow! It'll be the first time after three years of living together that we'll be far away from each other. And I think the longest time that we were apart is about a couple of weeks, that's when he went to Phuket without me in tow but now he'll be gone for a couple of years! It's just sad to think about it, I'm so used to being with him.

It's only the two of us since I started working here in Manila, he's like my father, my brother and my friend in one. He's my instant movie and dinner date. He cooks our meal, cleans our place and sometimes he even does the laundry! Hey you might think that I'll only miss him because of those reasons... Partly, yeah, but there's more to it that my brother does for me. Like listening to everything that I say: when I talk about my greatest dreams, when I rant about my work, or even my comments on the TV shows or movies that I've watched and even the most nonsense things that comes to my head. He's just always there for me, always ready to be what I want or needed him to be.

I guess I'm being too emotional, I'm blaming it to PMS or maybe not. Then, I'll just blame it to global warming, I watched it on Zoey 101 that most people blame everything to global warming. I just wish my brother will have a great time there, and not worry about me here coz I know he worries a lot about me. I'll be fine here, I'm a big girl and besides I have another guardian on reserve, my cousin, Don.

Have a safe trip kuya! And I'll miss you a lot! In fact, I'm already missing you even you haven't left yet. And although I don't seem to show it but I'll be the number one person who'll be missing you the most.

Love you kuya! :)

Tell Me Your Dreams

I've finished reading Sidney Sheldon's Tell Me Your Dreams yesterday. Would you believe it, it took me 4 days to finish a single book! It's a shame because I used to finish a book in just one sitting, and that's about 4-5 hours max. Tell Me Your Dreams is about a young beautiful woman who's suspected of committing a series of brutal murders. The police made an arrest that led to one of the most bizarre trials of the century. Bizarre because the suspect of the murders is not aware that she did all those brutal crimes, she was suffering from MPD or Multiple Personality Disorder. She has two alter egos in her, and the dominant one is the culprit of all the crimes where she, rather her body was involved. I wouldn't dig deep into the book because maybe some of you haven't read the book yet and would want to read it.

I've only read two of Sheldon's book and my favorite will always be If Tomorrow Comes. I just love Tracy Whitney, she is superb and ingenious! If you haven't read any of Sheldon's books, I suggest you read If Tomorrow Comes first.

On another note, when I was on my way to work last night I saw an accident. It was really heartbreaking! A car and a motorcycle collided along Ortigas Extension. I was so frightened when I saw what happened, the man/woman riding with the motorcycle driver fell off the motorcycle and almost hit his/her head on the concrete barrier. He/she wasn't able to get up, he was helped by the people near the accident scene. The car who crashed into the victims ran away. Unfortunately, nobody got the chance to get the plate number of the car who hit the motorcycle. I saw the car, it was a white corolla, I also saw the plate number but because of the accident I totally blanked out, and I can't remember the plate number of the car who just hit and ran. I feel so sorry for the victims, I wish I've put enough attention on the car's plate, I should have been able to help track the driver who got away from the accident leaving the victims crushed and wounded physically and emotionally.

Before I saw the accident, I was cheerful, my heart was filled with joy because of some reasons but after the accident I forgot all the happiness in me, I don't even remember why I was even happy on the first place. I really agree on what Maria wrote on her diary: "Life moves so fast; It rushes you from heaven to hell in a matter of seconds." --Maria, Eleven Minutes by Paulo Coelho. You really can't control nor predict what will happen in your life, one minute you're happy the other you're sad. One day you're living, the next you're already laying on a morgue bed... cold and lifeless... (God forbid) So, it only led me to one conclusion, dance like no one's watching, sing your heart out! We need to live each day like our last, coz we'll never know what the big guy up there has cooked up for us.

Enjoy life! Ciao.

Laundry Business and Nail Art

You all know how I loathed doing the laundry. I don't know the specific reason why I hate doing it, I just do and that's all you need to know.

Yesterday, when I was on my way home I thought of doing my laundry since the sun was brightly shining. If you don't know, the weather couldn't be gloomier since we arrived last Wednesday and yesterday was the first day the sun shone brightly on the east side of Manila. So, when I got home I made my thought a reality, I did my laundry. But while doing my laundry I realized something. I realized that people are like soiled or dirty clothes that needs to be cleaned. And if we just do our laundry often or as soon as our clothes get toiled and dirty we wouldn't take much time scrubbing it clean. Just like us humans, if we do mistakes we need to correct it right away, because if not we may have a hard time scrubbing off the dirt on us. Like the stained clothes, if we don't wash it right away, the stain hardens on the fabric and it would take too much time scrubbing the stain away, and sometimes if it can't be helped the stain lasts forever and our clothes will never be the same again. It may look squeaky clean in other parts but the stain will always be there, and it will always be the center of attention, no matter how hard you did for the scrubbing.

With that realization, that changed my view of doing the laundry. It made me feel good doing the chore. Thinking that I'll be able to make my clothes clean again and making it as good as new, if not just as close. And doing it makes me feel happy because I did it on my own and no one helped me. It felt like an achievement, taking it from me who hates doing it.

On the other hand, I barely made a couple of hours sleep yesterday because my aunt and cousins visited our place. Also I started reading Sidney Sheldon's book, Tell Me Your Dreams the book is very enticing and I had a hard time taking it off my hands without finishing it. If not for the Benadryl last night I won't be able to get some sleep. So thank you for whoever it is that made Benadryl, you're an angel and I love you! :)

Before I forgot, I also did some nail art yesterday with my own nails. Of course Kristina where will you put your nail art? On your cheeks? Oh come on... Anyway here are the pics my brother took of my nails. :)