I Got a Crush on You

Crush - a very juvenile word, but this simple word is enough to mess up with one's emotions. It can either send you to the moon or would make you want the earth to open up and swallow you up alive. It's been a while that I had a crush on someone, more than a year I guess. You see, I easily find guys pretty to the eyes, but it takes more than that to be that person to be my crush. He should fit the mold that I have created in my mind eons ago. That metaphorical mold hasn't changed since I've created it in my college days. It still have the same qualities that I look for in a person to be my crush. More often than not, these qualities are not met. But I have this tolerance also created (very realistic and logical), so if half of the qualities are met then you are a sure hit! 

I am aware that it is unfair to have these qualities to look for in a guy, especially if you are not Jennifer Lawrence or Emma Stone beautiful. The only thing I think that I have in common with these women is gender. These women are so beyond me. But still, this is just a crush that we are talking about, juvenile remember?

I am normally an awkward person, but if I am anywhere near my crush my awkwardness is magnified, a gazillion times! I don't stutter, but I babble which is basically the same level of awkwardness. What makes it even weird is that I'm not even talking to my crush, it's just me talking to my friends or people in general with my crush in the perimeter.

And when there comes a time that my crush is in the circle and I have the chance to talk to him, I don't! As mentioned, I babble to my friends and single him out of the conversation. To make it seem that I am not interested. 

When he texts me, I think about how many minutes I should let pass before I reply to not seem eager. And I proof read my reply more than I should just to make sure that it appears nonchalant and "cool". When in fact, in my mind we are already vacationing in the South of France or just staying in the couch the whole weekend watching romcom movies and bingeing on pizza and other take away food.

They say that most girls (yes, girls, not women because this is crush we are talking about) change something about their physical appearances so that their crushes would notice. I don't, I stay exactly the same for them not to notice me.

This is where the complications start. I dreamed about vacationing with this guy or doing just about anything under the sun but I don't want him to find out that I am madly crushing on him. Crazy, right? If he finds out, he's not my crush anymore. This is some kind of psychological disorder, I just know. If it's not, then they should make it official and name it after me. It's not like the-thrill-of-the-chase kind of thing because there is no chasing involved in the first place. I just want the-admiration-in-silence if there's that kind of thing. 

Re-reading the post that I just wrote, it got me thinking. Why don't I want to be found out? Is it because I'm scared that the admiration won't be reciprocated the way I want it to be? Or the commitment-phobe in me is scared that it may lead to something and I will be the one who screws it up again?

But I will never stop crushing on someone, because I just love the feeling of butterflies fluttering in my stomach when we connect and the mini heart-attack that I get every time I think that I am found out. It's like being a teenager once again even if that was already a decade ago.

Bitter Isn't the New Black

I've read the book entitled Bitter is the New Black, and it inspired me to write this entry. 

Jen Lancaster was living the sweet life-until real life kicked her to the curb. 

She had the perfect man, the perfect job-hell, she had the perfect life-and there was no reason to think it wouldn't last. Or maybe there was, but Jen Lancaster was too busy being manicured, pedicured, highlighted, and generally adored to notice. 

This is the smart-mouthed, soul-searching story of a woman trying to figure out what happens next when she's gone from six figures to unemployment checks and she stops to reconsider some of the less-than-rosy attitudes and values she thought she'd never have to answer for when times were good. 

Filled with caustic wit and unusual insight, it's a rollicking read as speedy and unpredictable as the trajectory of a burst balloon.

I kind of had or have the same story. I won't say I was a woman in power before I quit my job, but I kind of did have that. I was the only woman in a department of 14, and a senior IT. Well, I think they got really no choice, I've been with the company for 7 years. So I was a senior, in terms of years being with the company I worked for. After reading the book (which by the way I read a few weeks before quitting my job), I took the risk of quitting my job. I had no back-up plan whatsoever but I still did it anyway.

It was hard, no, it is still hard. I've no idea what I signed up for, or better yet what I resigned for. I don't know how to be idle, the longest I've been out of work is when I requested a month's break, but that was spent travelling. So, it was kind of a different story. But when I resigned, it was for real! It's been over 5 months since I quit my job, I haven't got a job yet technically. I got hired, but I will be starting next month. But to be utterly honest I don't know if that's what I really want to do. I've been trying to figure out what my dream job is, to not make the same mistake again. And waste another 7 years of my life trapped in a job that I don't love. Well, it pays the bills so I have no choice but to love it. But still, I want to do something that doesn't feel like a job because I am passionate about it. I envy those people who have finally found their niche in life. I wish I were one of them.

I started to regret my decision, and currently second guessing myself. I am in no way having my ducks in line. If anything, my ducks are quite a mess, they're in a very crooked line! I spend almost every night reviewing everything that's happened the past months, and at the same time wondering what if I never quit? I am a total wreck these days. Not knowing where to go next. I always say that everything happens for a reason, and I really hope that there's a reason behind all these. Being a grown up really sucks, but I can never be bitter about. I know myself well, and I know I'm not the type of person that dwells on what ifs and what nots.  I'll never be bitter about life. I can make it through this.

Got Carrie-d Away Again

I've been writing a lot these days, but not here on my blog. I've been doing a lot of freelance writing. Unfortunately, my first writing gig was a disaster! They asked me to write 15 articles about this diet program and compare it with the other one and write about 10 title variations for each of the 15 articles. Normally, I don't have a problem writing about a certain topic but if you were asked to write fifteen, 1-5 articles, and about dieting?! You'll probably reach your limit and drain your brain. Not only that, after writing the articles they didn't pay me a single cent! What a sham! Good thing I found a different provider that pays well and their projects are really interesting and they only asked me to write an article for a certain topic. And I'm never been happier with all the topics he/she gave me. I still haven't figured out what's his/her gender is, and I am too embarrassed to ask.

I love doing freelance writing as it hones my writing skills, and as you all know I've been aspiring on becoming a writer. Watch out world Carrie Bradshaw in the making here! Ha!

Speaking of Carrie Bradshaw, I spent the weekend reading the Carrie Diaries and wishing that if they turned the books into movies the producer will specifically ask for me to play the young Carrie Bradshaw. I just haven't figured out how are they going to know about me. If you have any idea, anything... please let me know. I seriously need them to know about me so that my dream of becoming the young Carrie Bradshaw will not just be a dream. I am dead serious.

I also watched the premiere of Drop Dead Diva season 3, and again made me wish I'm part of that show too! I could be one of the lawyers of Harrison Parker law firm. I'll be a great and very fashionable lawyer, I'll probably topple Jane Bingum over! But I know that thought is so far out, so I'm just secretly wishing I were Kim Kasswell. I don't know but I have a soft spot for uptight, hard-hitting, alpha females. Ironic. I know. That's me.

Anyway, I have to end this entry as I don't have any idea where and when this might end.

Writing with a Purpose

I've spent almost my whole shift looking for online writing jobs. So far, I am so far from finding one. I didn't think that it would be this hard. I've been writing, if you consider blogging as writing then I've been writing for over 5 years now. I have no problem writing about anything, everything. Hence, the title of my blogger site Anything, Everything Under the Sun. But I admit sometimes I tend to run out of topic to blog about.

Most of the time my blog is just a word salad, I spew words and I try as I could to mix them into somewhat a decent post. My style of blogging is reflective, I blog about the things that happened, and will happen to me. I also blog about my opinions and observations regarding certain things and that includes my neighbor's cats or my trusty ballet flats. I am a shameless blogger, I blog about even my deepest, darkest secrets. When I come to think of it, they're not so deep nor dark at all but nevertheless.

I've been looking for online writing jobs not because I am jobless, which I'm not. In fact I've been working for over half a decade now. It's just that writing is one of my passions. I am into writing as much as I am into sleeping. And I need to get at least 7 hours of sleep a day, see the picture? And aside from writing being my niche, I heard that they also pay well. A little extra income won't hurt and will come a long way.

So please help me in anyway if you have any idea or a gig for me. I am more than willing.

It's about time

It's not April yet but I already got my first birthday present this year! When I got home from my Cebu trip last Saturday this little canister was waiting for me, it's from my brother. When he handed me the present it was wrapped in a National Bookstore bag, and he asked me to guess and I just couldn't make out what's inside the bag. I was excited and a bit disappointed. I didn't know what to feel, I kept racking my brains of what would be a nice present from National Bookstore that isn't a book, I thought of a pencil case but it's just way too small to fit even half of a pencil. And what will I do of a pencil case if ever it was a pencil case?

I studied the canister and that's when I saw the logo.

I hurriedly opened the canister, I think I almost ripped it off because I got really excited.

It's a watch! If you've met me you'll know that I'm not a watch person, I only wore one when I was in first grade when I just learned how to tell time. I need one to show off to my friends that I am capable of telling time. And when I was in high school when Baby G was a very big hit, and you'll look like a sore looser if you don't own one.

Anyway, my brother is also the same, he don't wear a watch. But he said that it's about time that we started wearing one.

I so love it kuya! The following day I had it fitted to my wrist and started wearing it.

Most Productive Week So Far

It's a Friday and I only slept for about 4 hours. It's not that I had to do some actual stuff, I just couldn't sleep. Maybe because I am so excited for my rest days since I've been working for 8 days straight or maybe sleep decided that it's a Friday so it's taking a day off too!


It doesn't really matter if I had enough sleep or not, I had more than enough he past few days, I am averaging at least 9 hours a day. Also I must say that this week has been the most productive week of 2011 so far, either at work or at home. I can't even believe myself! I really stepped up! Well, I hope I'll be able to top this epic week. :-)


Indeed it's a productive week but still there are some things that I want to get done before the week officially ends. And here are those:

1. Wake up at 10:30AM tomorrow.
2. Finish the book that I'm reading, just a few more chapters to go.
3. Find the perfect white skinnies!
4. Get my nails done.
5. Update my resumé (just for kicks)
6. Buy the tray and storage bokex that I've been meaning to get for my room.
7. De-clutter  my closet/room.
8. Finish my portfolio.

Well, I really hope I can accomplish at least half of this list. Especially number 1 and 4. :-)

Have a great weekend everyone! 

Jeepney Ride

I've known that our country is undergoing a crisis but I never took it seriously not until yesterday morning when I was commuting my way home. I was waiting for a bus, since Wednesday is a no car/cab day for me. Unfortunately, buses are like cabs they're everywhere when you don't need them but if you do, they're nowhere to be found. After some time waiting, I decided to just take the jeepney since it's just a short commute. After all of us paid our share of fares there was this twenty-something lady asking the driver to give her her change which is Php1.50. The driver wasn't able to hear her because of the loud noise the engine of his jeepney was making. When the lady noticed that the driver wasn't listening to her she called out for her change again, and this time louder. But the driver seemed to not hear her at all. So the lady was like yelling and cursing the driver.

I can't explain what I trully felt that time. I felt sorry for the lady coz I think she really needs every cent she can lay her hands on, maybe her family is on a really tight budget. But I also felt bad for the driver because the lady was cursing him at the top of her lungs, and what if he simply just forgot or just didn't hear the lady?

I know nothing of the lady nor the driver's real side of the story. All I know is that we're all in a very uncovenient, tough, hard and whatever situation now. I really hope I can do something, anything just to be able to help.