Mushy... Cheesy...

Here I go again... got so many ideas battling in my head but i don't know how i'll start to weave all these together in just one posting!

Anyway, I just read the Y!M status message of a close friend this morning, and i know i read it a gazillion times before but i'm surprised that it appealed so differently to me today. His status message is "I hate to see the one I love happy with somebody but surely i hate it more to see the one i love unhappy with me." It appealed so 'plainly' to me before, i thought it was just another 'love quote' that i'll soon forget, and i thought the author of the quotable qoute is just so 'martyr'. But it dawned on me that what he said, or should i say wrote is true! Really! I figured it out that if its 'love' you're feeling towards a person... you'll do or give anything that will make him/her happy, no matter what it takes. And now i chose to give that special person in my life his happiness, if i can't make him happy then i'll 'entrust' him to the person who can give him bliss. I know its sad, but knowing that you did or gave everything for a certain being to be happy that's a great thing! Its an accomplishment, coz in this lifetime not everyone is willing to give up their happiness for the sake of others.

And for the past days, i've been trying to convince my self that i'm just in love with the idea of being in love. And i fervently hope that my magic wand (convincing powers) will work on me, like the way it should be. I'm doing this not to fool myself but to prevent myself from misery. I know you would say that i'm coward...No, this isn't just plain 'cold feet', there's a deeper explanation for this action that rooted a couple of years ago. (Maybe i should also write something about that next (life)time! Until now i keep uttering my mantra on my head,"inlove with the idea of being inlove", so to convince my subconscious mind and my freaking emotion.
And i also went bloghopping earlier and here's this line that caught my attention it goes "Smart and talented people find love the longest, and sometimes even like, never." And as the blogger said "Try not to laugh." I've been asking myself 'am i smart?' coz until now haven't found someone that i love and will love me, coz if i am i prefer to be dumb and stupid!:) On second thought, nah! I'd rather be smart, and be miserable than be dumb and happy!:))

Oh my... been writing a lot of cheesy stuff again, why am i so emotional these days? I hate myself for being so stupid when it comes to this kind of stuff, i feel like there's so many things that i ought to learn that can't be acquired from book and that can't be acquired without hurting! Haaaaayyyyy.... Life! Need to keep these musings out of my mind, need to divert my attention. I'll just focus on my work today... Work... work... work...