Getting over...

It's been a couple of weeks since i last updated this blog. Its because nothing worth writing/ posting happened to moi. Anyway, the thing that's bothering me since the year started is finally off my system now, though not completely but I'm on the process of casting it away.

I've gone through self-assertion and fortunately I've found answers to my questions and later did i know that signs were raining on my face, i was such a fool for not noticing them.. or maybe i noticed but i was just on denial. It was silly of me to believe that i would have a happy ending with that person. And i was the biggest fool thinking that life would be complete with him by my side.

As a kid, and up to now i can say that i get almost everything that i wanted, from toys, to clothes, education, job and some other things that matters in life. Some people say that I'm very lucky because everything seems to fall on the right places but little did they know that not everything in my life is served on a silver platter. They don't even have the slightest idea that i earned everything in my life the hard way, even harder. And there are also some things that i don't get, no matter how hard i try to achieve it, maybe not now... or maybe not in this lifetime. sigh.

I know that no amount of wealth can compare to the joy and fullfillment i'll get if i get those things that i always longed for. I'm not being ungrateful to what i have now but its just that i know deep down in my soul that these are only the things that can complete me. That can complete and satisfy my existence in this world. I know its crazy to say that you'll only be happy if you'll be or you'll end up with this certain person, i admit, i was like that before but now i realized that its not the person that will make you happy instead its the feeling of loving and to be loved that completes you. So no matter i'll end up with him or not, i know i'll find happiness if not with him but with other persons. (But its a bonus if i'll end up with him though!) This is what i hate about loving or being sooo attached with a person or thing because getting over him/it is so hard to do. And losing them makes you a totally different person. But still i believe that everyhting happens for a reason... maybe the person for me is just somewhere down the road... waiting for the signs too!

Cry Baby

When i was a kid i cry when i feel like crying, and i think of sad thoughts to motivate myself to cry. But when i grew up, sometimes i cry myself to sleep with no reason at all, without even thinking about sad thoughts. My tears just keep flowing, but after it rained when i wake up it feels so good. I feel like being freed from anything that i was enslaved into. And bet you, it feels so good having cried.

Nocturnal Princess

I'm back to blogging and expect that I'll be posting an entry every single day (night?) coz I'm back to night shift. I'm not used to night shifts now coz it was still November last year the last time that I experienced being in this kind of sched. So to battle the sleepy head in me, I think blogging will be my greatest armor. And of course with the help of my best friends named coffee, the one responsible for keeping me awake and chocolate, the brain stimulant, I know I'll be able to win the nightly battles that I'll be having. I think this will be a tough night for me, aside from the fact that this is my first night shift after a hundred years... I'm also the sole MIS officer tonight. Sir Wilson, my supervisor is having his day-off and Elza our web developer and one of the constant night shifter advised that she can't make it to work now. Which means I'll be doing all tasks tonight. Good thing there's Sir Leo our project manager to back me up.

Its been over four hours since my shift started but no requests from the campaigns yet, so, what I'm doing now is just chatting (heheheh), blogging and endless internet surfing. I'm doing all these stuff while I still can coz if the campaign requests start flooding... doing this stuff would be impossible! So why waste the opportunity, right?

Anyway, northing's new in my life. Except from this stupid, crazy, damn feeling that I have. I don't know, I don't seem to get over him. I tried hard to suppress this feelings but it grows every single day. It's so hard coz the more I ignore it, the more it grows. And it gave me sleepless nights too! And heartaches, literally. I just hope that this will be over the soonest time. I wanna deal with this no more. Its like a knife that stabs me each day. Its ironic coz there are times that just a thought of this person makes me happy, and also he's the reason of my loneliness sometimes. This kind of feeling is very unexplainable, and I know you can relate on this coz i think that everybody passes through this kind of situation. I just wish that this will have a good outcome, if not maybe just a lesson of life to learn.