Way Back Into Love

My current LSS...
I love this song, and the movie as well...

Way Back Into Love (demo version)
by Hugh Grant and Drew Barrymore


Way Back Into Love
by Hugh Grant and Haley Bennet

I’ve been living with a shadow overhead
I’ve been sleeping with a cloud above my bed
I’ve been lonely for so long
Trapped in the past, I just can’t seem to move on

I’ve been hiding all my hopes and dreams away
Just in case I ever need em again someday
I’ve been setting aside time
To clear a little space in the corners of my mind
All I want to do is find a way back into love
I can’t make it through without a way back into love
Oh oh oh

I’ve been watching but the stars refuse to shine
I’ve been searching but I just don’t see the signs
I know that it’s out there
There’s got to be something for my soul somewhere
I’ve been looking for someone to shed some light
Not just somebody just to get me throught the night
I could use some direction
And I’m open to your suggestions

All I want to do is find a way back into love
I can’t make it through without a way back into love
And if I open my heart again
I guess I’m hoping you’ll be there for me in the end
There are moments when I don’t know if it’s real
Or if anybody feels the way I feel
I need inspiration Not just another negotiation

All I want to do is find a way back into love
I can’t make it through without a way back into love
And if I open my heart to you
I’m hoping you’ll show me what to do
And if you help me to start again
You know that I’ll be there for you in the end

Boyfriends and Bestfriends

I just watched the latest episode of The Hills and I can't help myself not to make an entry about it. I can relate to it. Last week it was about team The Hills girls versus team Spencer. And now it's a match between Heidi and Spencer versus Lauren. I was ok with the idea of Heidi and Spencer getting back in each other's arms, though Spencer is not really the kind of guy I would like to go out with. He's some kind of a jerk. But if Heidi's happy with him then let her be, but I also want Heidi to understand Lauren, and listen to what she says about them being together and about Spencer being the cheater that he is. It's like their friendship is at stake with Heidi dating douchebag Spencer.

It's so sad when you know that your bestfriend's boyfriend is cheating on her and you tell her about it and she doesn't believe you. And sometimes she even take it against you. I've been in that kind of drama. And my friend thinks that I don't understand her and doesn't want to see her happy. And her boyfriend also constantly telling my bestfriend that I was just making up stories to ruin their relationship, and that I'm not being a true friend to my bestfriend. He even told her that I was just jealous of them because they were happy and thinks that I envy her because I just broke up with my cheating boyfriend that time. It is really disappointing to know that my bestfriend doesn't believe me and have chosen her cheating boyfriend over me when the whole world is telling her that her boyfriend is a jerk, nah its too harsh, ok a player. I was upset because I don't want to see her making the same mistakes that I did. I know what and how it feels like being cheated and being manipulated. And I really don't want our friendship to end because of a guy who's not even worth a cent. We've been there for each other for almost forever and in just a snap her boyfriend would take that away. We almost outgrown each other, but after some time my bestfriend woke up and realize that her boyfriend isn't worth our friendship. I was glad that she finally saw the light, but I was also sad because she have to learn it the hard way, even harder. When we fixed things up, she asked me "what was I thinking? I believed my boyfriend for three months over my bestfriend for forever!". I told her that was just a bump in our friendship, to test each other's trust. And now we're still bestfriends, though we don't see each other on a daily basis but we know in our hearts that we are friends and no one can tear us apart, even boyfriends!

I also bumped into a video in dailymotion, Tyra Banks Show and the guests were the The Hills Girls. Here it is...

the hills - the tyra banks show.

It's Getting Better

It's getting better each day, and I'm getting better with this too. Night shifts and no RDs are fine for me now, it's like I'm getting used to it. It's like a new habit for me, and I'm really getting better. I'm quite surprised because I don't whine about this kind of stuff now. I have accepted this lifestyle with arms wide open, I've learned to embrace it. Sleeping at daytime for me now is not a big deal anymore, I even have longer sleeping hours and I get to do the things I always wanted to do these past months. And no RDs? That's perfectly fine for me... I don't have enough time to be just bumming around, or just idling. And I don't get to think about anything. I'm living every single moment of my life now. I now focus on today and tomorrow and I no longer linger on the past. For quite sometime, I can say that I changed the way I lived my life. This is so great for me. And night shifts and no RDs for me makes time flies so quickly. And with this kind of life, I'm beginning to have a better perspective and appreciate simple things and joys of each day. I'm wondering why I wasn't able to see clearly before, my life was blurry. I am really thankful for this.

And I'm also considering patching some things up with my dad... My step sister sent me a message the other day, wanting me and my brother to visit them in Fairview. I almost said yes, but on second thought.. I think I'm not yet ready. Is there really a 'not ready' in patching up differences in one's family? Don't get me wrong but I don't think I can handle more drama and stress in my life now. Though I miss them a lot, my father and his cooking, my step siblings and the house helps there.

I don't want to hurry things... I want it to go slowly but surely. ..

The Week Never Ends For Me

I've been working for two weeks now, night shift, no RDs, and also my 4th night of working alone. Which means, I have my own time, I do everything my way, also I'll be the sole person to blame when something/everything goes wrong. Good thing, good luck's been with me. I'm not really complaining about this... In fact, I see it now as a blessing in disguise.. I'll earn more because of the night differential and RDOT! Yey! Can't wait till it's pay day! And also I'll get all the reason in this world to take a break from work next week, since I've been working non-stop! I'm also thankful for these RDOTs because I was able to watch all the Heroes episodes that I missed, and I was also able to watch Smallville's most recent episode. I'm excited on both series' upcoming episodes.

I am also excited 'coz Bridge to Terabithia will be showing soon, on the 21st to be exact. And we have plans of watching that movie on the first day of showing. Though I always tell myself not to be very excited about it because the movie might disappoint me. Because most books that I've read that were filmed were not that good. Maybe I expected to much, but I also understand that not every part of the book will be captured on film because the film will only run for about a couple of hours and they won't be able to put every single detail on it. But I'm still hoping that they will make a good film, that's worth the penny I'm going to pay to watch it.

Anyway, I'm going back to work.. Monitoring the dialer, YM, listening to music, reading an e-book and etc... That's work for me! :p

I'll leave you with one of the lines from Bridge to Terabithia, "Close your eyes, but keep your mind wide open". Hope you had a good weekend everyone! I didn't have a good one, simply because I never had a weekend. The week never ends for me, busy bee! :p

Merci... Gracias... Salamat... Thank You...

This entry is about the things that makes me feel alive. I feel so happy and grateful for everything that happened, is happening and will happen in my life. I have a good job, but I'll also have a great job after I quit my current job. :p I have great friends around me. I know I can call on them anytime that I need them, and I also get to hang out with them as often as I want/can. I feel so blessed for having a great family too! They were and will always be there for me. They share my ups and downs. They laugh when I laugh and they also cry when I feel bad. They all share my sentiments.

I know all people are thankful for those three that I've mentioned, but now I'll be thanking some things that we thought that are "just things" in our house, we see them plainly, but as plain as they may seem to you these things make my day and define the way I live my life.

I am also grateful for all the things that I have, I feel like I deserve them all, not only that I worked hard to earn or have them, but those things also makes me happy. I am thankful for my bed 'coz even I sleep at daytime I still feel comfortable lying on it, also special thanks to my soft pillows and my warm blanket. They all make my sleeping time special. I am thankful for our little idiot box at home, that little thing accompanies me when I'm home alone and bored. My dear laptop, who puts up with me the whole night when sleep refuses to visit me. And for my mobile phone who always helps me to get connected with the people I care about. I am also thankful for my piled up laundry, because that means I have enough clothes to wear. I am also thankful for my books they bring me to places that I have never been and they let me meet people that I never imagined meeting in the real world. They made me feel the things that I never felt in my entire life, and also made me feel how it feels like being in other people's shoes. For my COSMO magazines, that keeps me updated on everything that's happening and for keeping me motivated in everything that I do, and the best part of that is making me feel how fun it is being a girl... Oops, I think that's the slogan of Kamiseta.... Anyway, also a shout out to my alarm clock that goes off that means that I'm still alive and will be able to get up, get dress and go to work. And for my pen and paper that doesn't complain when sometimes all I do is just scribble on them. And for my paintbrushes and water colors that are even harder than a rock now... they remind me that I know how to appreciate things and is capable of painting them on a piece of canvass.

There are a lot of things that I am thankful for... for the MTV's The Hills, for Lauren and the girls for living up my Hollywood dream, which I came to finally accept that it will forever be a dream. For the 'The OC' people, for Smallville who gives me the illusion that super heroes exist. For the charmed ones, they made me realize that not all witches are bad.. In fact, I sometimes dream of being one of them. Oh my... I didn't realize that there so many things that I should be thankful for... If I'll go on I think it'll take me days to enumerate all the things that I'm thankful for. How about you? What are the things that you are grateful of?

The Holiday

Yesterday, K'Anne and I picked Sheina up from work. We had late lunch, window shopped a little, watched a movie, had a good cup of coffee (with the purple straw, K'Anne said) and had quite a long talk. We talked about work, since K'Anne and kuya Red left we (Sheina and I)already have thoughts of quitting our current job, but we're not even finding a new one. What a paradox. But we've been referred by some friends and officemates. In fact, I'm torn (not again) between quitting or staying. I already talked to my brother and Sheina and K'Anne and they all have the same answer, "Think about it. But with the offer they're giving... Go!" I'm not really sure what I want this time. I must admit the offer is really tempting, it's twice as much as I'm earning. Sheina also have some plans in mind, she's been referred by her friend to an international company, and she told me that if ever she'll get in she'll refer me too! Wouldn't that be great? I just hope that things will work out for my team if I/we will be leaving, because there'll be only 3 or 2 of them. Schedule is hard that there are 4 of us in the team, it'll get harder for sure! Anyway, my "future employer" wants to have my answer on Monday, honestly until now I'm not yet decided. I'm still waiting for the sign to show up.

Anyway, last night I wasn't able to sleep maybe because my body clock is used to sleeping at day time now or maybe I was overdosed with caffeine. Since I can't sleep I ended up doing a movie marathon. I watched 3 movies! And I also did this... (see paragraphs below :p) Though, I didn't really compose it, but I transcribed it. It's from the movie we watched yesterday, The Holiday. This really struck me... Hope this will have a great impact to you as it did on me.. Read on..

"I've found almost everything ever written about love to be true. Shakespeare said "Journeys end in lovers meeting." What an extraordinary thought. Personally, I have not experienced anything remotely close to that, but I am more than willing to believe Shakespeare had. I suppose I think about love more than anyone really should. I am constantly amazed by its sheer power to alter and define our lives. It was Shakespeare who also said "love is blind". Now that is something I know to be true. For some quite inexplicably, love fades; for others love is simply lost. But then of course love can also be found, even if just for the night. And then, there's another kind of love: the cruelest kind. The one that almost kills its victims. Its called unrequited love. Of that I am an expert. Most love stories are about people who fall in love with each other. But what about the rest of us? What about our stories, those of us who fall in love alone? We are the victims of the one sided affair. We are the cursed of the loved ones. We are the unloved ones, the walking wounded. The handicapped without the advantage of a great parking space! Yes, you are looking at one such individual. And I have willingly loved that man for over three miserable years! The absolute worst years of my life! The worst Christmas', the worst Birthday's, New Years Eve's brought in by tears and valium. These years that I have been in love have been the darkest days of my life. All because I've been cursed by being in love with a man who does not and will not love me back. Oh god, just the sight of him! Heart pounding! Throat thickening! Absolutely can't swallow! All the usual symptoms." --Iris (narrating), The Holiday

"Iris, in the movies we have leading ladies and we have the best friend. You, I can tell, are a leading lady, but for some reason you are behaving like the best friend.
Iris: You're so right. You're supposed to be the leading lady of your own life, for god's sake! Arthur, I've been going to a therapist for three years, and she's never explained things to me that well. That was brilliant. Brutal, but brilliant. " --Arthur Abbott, The Holiday

"Shush. You broke my heart. And you acted like somehow it was my fault, my misunderstanding, and I was too in love with you to ever be mad at you, so I just punished myself! For years! But you waltzing in here on my lovely Christmas holiday, and telling me that you don't want to lose me whilst you're about to get MARRIED, somehow newly entitles me to say, it's over. This - This twisted, toxic THING between us, is finally finished! I'm miraculously done being in love with you! Ha! I've got a life to start living."--Iris , The Holiday

“Listen, I know its hard to believe people when they say ‘I know exactly how you feel’, but I actually know how you feel. You see I was … uhm… seeing someone back in London we worked for the same newspaper and then I found out that he was seeing this other girl, Sarah from the circulation department on the 19th floor. Turned out that he was not in love with me like I thought. I understand feeling as small and as insignificant as humanly possible. And how it can actually ache in places you didn't know you had inside you. And it doesn't matter how many new haircuts you get, or gyms you join, or how many glasses of chardonnay you drink with your girlfriends... you still go to bed every night going over every detail and wonder what you did wrong or how you could have misunderstood. And how in the hell for that brief moment you could think that you were that happy. And sometimes you can even convince yourself that he'll see the light and show up at your door. And after all that, however long all that may be, you'll go somewhere new. And you'll meet people who make you feel worthwhile again. And little pieces of your soul will finally come back. And all that fuzzy stuff, those years of your life that you wasted, that will eventually begin to fade." --Iris (to Miles), The Holiday

And also last night we talked about our heart's status and since we all worked as database developer/administrator we gave it a little twist. We'll answer it using syntax or procedures of SQL Servers.

"What's your heart's status as of the moment?"

K'Anne: "DELETING ... (paused) pero may BEGIN TRAN and ROLLBACK TRAN!" (Pamatay 'to! DELETING is understandable, BEGIN TRAN is used to do a certain process but putting a ROLLBACK TRAN at the end of your code is like reversing everything you did).

Sheina: "UPDATING/NSERTING" (but K'Anne said that SELECT statement suits her and Sheina agreed but added SELECT DISTINCT)

Me: SLEEPING but... RUNNABLE!

So much of my talking.. I need to focus on my work now. BTW, I'm at work now rendering a RDOT. Anyway, its fine with me.... I 'll have reason to call in sick tomorrow. Hehehe. I'm going to attend my niece's baptism.

Ciao. Hope you'll all have a good Valentine's. I bet I'll have a good one! I'm going solo flight to a spa! Hehehe.

P.S. If you want to watch the film but don't have time to watch it in the movie house I'm giving you these links (but i haven't check if these have good quality though):
1st Part
2nd Part
3rd Part
4th Part