Hook, Line and Sinker (Yet Again)

It was just yesterday that I wrote a letter to someone that who probably wouldn't be able to read it. I've been writing letters but never got the strength to let the "recipient" read it. I am such a scaredy cat. The only reason that I write these letters is to be able to let my emotions out and hopefully leave myself dry. And eventually get on with this thing called life.

It was a happy letter, full of life, postive emotions and whatnots. It was something that I will never be able to tell someone in their face. Because it will only make me feel and seem vulnerable. And I hate being vulnerable, it's the perfect moment that someone will crush you during that brief moment when you had your guards down. I have this strong facade, but deep inside I am this weakling. Who feels confident during the daytime but cries herself to sleep sometimes. 

Today, I wanted to write yet another letter to a different person. This person is the person who never fails to give me hope no matter the situation, and more often than not this is also the person who crushes even the tiniest stray of hope that I have. It's been a vicious cycle ever since I can remember. And trust me two decades didn't make me any stronger when it comes to him. He's like my personal kryptonite. 

I just seriously hope that I would come out unscathed this time. I've had way too many battles against him. And I hope this will be the last. Now I understand why I'm hooked to The Script's new song Superheroes, because subconsciously I wish to be one.

When you've been fighting for it all your life
You've been working every day and night
That’s how a superhero learns to fly
Every day, every hour
Turn the pain into power

She's got lions in her heart
A fire in her soul
He's a got a beast in his belly
That's so hard to control
'Cause they've taken too much hits
Taking blow by blow
Now light a match, stand back, watch them explode

Pa, this will be the last I promise. I need to do this for you and for myself. We have to stop pretending that we are ok, because seriously, we are definitely not. I only wish the best for you and your family. Maybe you have your reasons, but I just don't care about those reasons now. It's time to move on. And maybe, the letter that I'm going to write, I'll finally have the guts to send it to you. Just maybe.

Rant Post

Everyone is either getting married or getting pregnant, and I am getting a massive headache over these things. I am nowhere near jealous of these people, I love my life as it is, thank you. What's giving me the headache are the people who keeps on bombarding me with questions about stuff, these kind of stuff. I don't get affected easily, but I drew the line when majority of the people you meet are asking you these questions.

I know I told this half a decade ago, but since then nothing much have changed. Really. Not my outlook in life, not in my five-year plan. The constant change in my life is my hairstyle, and the most drastic of it all is quitting my first job (which lasted for seven years by the way) with no back-up plan whatsoever. I dove head first with my eyes closed, good thing I had my family to back me up.

With every thing that's happening (and not happening) in my life right now. I am contented and satisfied, I feel like I don't need anything more. I have my family who's always willing to move mountains FOR me and my friends who are also willing to move mountains WITH me. I have a full time job that I am starting to fall in love with again, plus I get to work with people that I actually like and love. Also I am living my dream! But, I won't drop details for now, I will get in to it on another blog post.

So to all the people asking me about marriage and kids, my reply is that "People are more interested in asking me why I'm single over asking me out". So, if you have nothing else to ask just please shut it.