Little Wish

I had this little wish 3 years ago but not until a few weeks back that it almost became a reality. Well, operative word is almost because as of the moment it's still not granted but I have a feeling that it will be... But I have this mixed feeling about it, half of my heart wants it so bad to realize right at this very moment but also half of my heart doesn't want it to come true and just stay a wish/dream forever. This wish as I've said is just a little wish, not really life changing. Wait. I take it back. Though little it is life changing. Never underestimate the butterfly effect. Anyway, I really wanted it to come true that's why I wish for it on the first place, but when it almost happened I wished that it wouldn't just yet. I just can't grasp the thought of it coming true, because I wouldn't have anything to look forward to. I admit this wish is what keeps me going and what keeps me striving for some even bigger dreams. So I know the big guy up there is a little confused , and I'm sorry for that.

I bet when I'll tell you what my wish is you'll raise your eyebrows up to the crown of your heads, so I might as well not tell you. It's just petty.. and when I say petty it's more petty than petty. Do I make sense to you? I'm not really sure, I'm quite floating these past few weeks. So, I'll let you know when I'm sane. ☺

The Week That Was

Insane week I had, it was like a roller coaster ride! Roller coasters are fun but when you ride it long enough you'd just want to get off it and just sit on the bench and close your eyes for a few minutes while you gather every piece of you that has been shooting towards every direction while on the ride. I'll say that I had fun, but I'm also glad that it's over.

A Beautiful Mess

And here I am thinking that it was father's day yesterday. I was quite horrified this morning when I read on Facebook that it was father's day yesterday (only in Lithuania) because I've forgotten to call my grandpa, greet my uncles and my dad. Because if it was father's day yesterday I would be toast! I will not stop hearing about it from my grandma that I forgot my grandpa on father's day. My father though, I doubt if he will even care if I greet him or not. But I silently hope he does.

I know I may seem not to care about him, but I still do. In fact I really do. I might remind myself sometimes that I've moved on, and have lived 80% of my life without him but the little girl inside me hesitates to do so. In fact, there are times that I wish it's my birthday or it's Christmas so I would get a text from him. And when I'm deciding on something, I imagine what my dad would think about it. I was such a daddy's girl before he and my mom separated, but after that we lost communication and just reconnected after college and about 4 years ago that line has gone choppy.

I'm not really sure what my writing is about today, or why am I writing on the first place. But I just feel something... I can't pinpoint what that is but I know I'm feeling a void that only him can fill.

Maybe I just miss him, and maybe he misses me too (a girl can dream). But I really wish that everything will be well between us, in time. And I would really love to make up with all the time that we've lost. And I also wish that forgetting about something that we both did and didn't do is just as easy as SHIFT + DEL on the keyboard and no trace will be left, it'll be like it never even existed.

But I have no regrets in everything that ever happened to our family, it's like a beautiful mess. And I still believe that everything happens for a reason and everything has an explanation whether good or bad, it's just a matter of how you see life.