Ways to Win my Heart

Day 25: Ten ways to win your heart.

I'm not sure if I get to ten because I'm pretty much easy to please. I don't need much in life.

1. That guy should be and must be human. These days you can never tell. Lots of pseudo humans have walked the face of the earth.
2. He should be able to keep up with a conversation. I speak so fast and he should be able to keep up. 
3. He should know how to loosen up and be crazy sometimes. I'm crazy so I want someone who won't judge my craziness.
4. He must eat egg yolks. I don't eat egg yolks so I want someone who'll allow me to put the egg yolk on his plate and not judge me (again).
5. A guy who loves to walk. Whenever I'm burn out, I walk. When I'm sad, I walk. When I'm full, I walk. When I'm happy, I walk. So pretty much I do a lot of walking.
6. He must also accept that at times I just want to be left alone. I want my space. No, I value my space so much.
7. He should not think that I love him less if I don't send him sweet nothings during the day. I'm not a fan of texting. Don't expect me to send you a text each time I do something (i.e. breathe, eat, drink, step, pee), I'll text you at the end of the day to let you know that I'm still alive and getting by with life.
8. Someone who'll let me dress the way I want to. I know what is appropriate and not so no need to lecture me.
9. Who will watch TV with me. And willing to stay on the couch with me the whole day.
10. I love traveling, so I want someone who wants to travel with me. I don't want someone who'll be spending time worrying where I am because he can't be with me because he doesn't want to travel.

Note: If #7 is not applicable to you, then consider yourself lucky. You are one of the few that I make an exemption to. 

I Want to Tell You...

Day 24: Things you want to say to five different people.

My mother:
Ma, thank you for always always being there for me and kuya. I can't thank you enough for the things you did for us. I know you're not perfect, but you are the perfect mother for us.

Brother:
Kuya, we have our disagreements about my choices and most of the times you were right. But you never gave up on me. You let me make mistakes and learn from them. Thank you for that. Thanks for being a brother, a father and a friend.

My English 1 teacher in college:
Mrs. Valbuena, thank you for all the encouragement and support. It's because of you my love for writing deepened. 

My Grandmother:
Mommy, thanks for diligently teaching me how to read and to play the piano. And for all the other stuff that you taught me. Also thank you for making me feel that I am worth it. For making up for the lack of father figure in my life. 

My exes:
Thanks guys for being a part of my life. It may not be a garden of roses but I still thank you nonetheless. At some point you made me happy, maybe happier than I was supposed to be. 

What If?

Day 23: Something you always think "what if" about.

“‘What’ and ‘if’ are two words as non-threatening as words can be, but put them together side by side and they have the power to haunt you for the rest of your life.” ~Letters to Juliet

I always say "no regrets", but sometimes I just want to think about the outcome of things if they happened differently. What if my parents didn't break up, will I be the same person as I am today? Will I still take the same course that I did in college? Will I still be a scaredy-cat when it comes to opening up myself to someone? Will I have the courage to leave my family in the province and work here in the metro?

These are just some questions I ask myself, and I know there's no way in hell I'll be able to get some answers.

10 Things About Me That Will Surprise You

Day 22: 10 things about you people don't really expect.

1. I am not as snob as I look. Yes, I get this impression all the time. I just fear rejection so if you don't smile at me first then don't expect me to do it. 
2. I may look like I know everything, but I don't. I could spew useless trivia but I am in no way a genius or an enlightened one.
3. I love chocolates but I don't like chocolate-flavored ice cream or cake. Except if it's the to-die-for CBTL's Toblerone cheesecake.
4. I am a programmer. I may not look like one or dress like one but I am a programmer and a good one at that! Hahaha! I just need to let this one out. Every time I get introduced to someone and asked what I do they just don't believe me. 
5. If I like a movie I'll watch it over and over again till I get tired of it. Then let it rest for a long time then watch it over and over again.
6. I know I've mentioned this before but I'm saying this again. I don't like pink. I find it too girly and I feel that it doesn't suit me. I think it clashes with my aura. Ironically, most of my PJs and home clothes are pink. They're given as gifts though. I'm not sure if my friends and family don't know me that much or they know me too much that they just want to play with me.
7. I may look like a confident grown woman but most of the time I'm not. I just fake it! I have a pillow that I had since infancy and I can't sleep without it till now. It's like my security blanket err pillow(?).
8. I'm OC when it comes to books and magazines. You can't touch them unless I'm done reading them.
9. I can wear a very short dress or skirt but I can't wear a backless dress or top. I get too conscious when my scoliotic back is bared.
10. I am nearly on  my thirties but I still haven't figured out what to do for the rest of my life. 

I Can't Get Over You

Day 21: Something you can't seem to get over.

I know I'm over a month late with this blog challenge but please don't judge me. I had so much on my plate. And I'm not sure if I'm ready to face the big elephant in the room with this 21st day challenge. But I'm here now, and it means that I'm ready to face it.

There's one situation that I can't get over with. Situation that happened more than two decades ago. I just seem to have moved on because I pretend to but in reality I am still treading waters that is 100-meters deep.

I can't get over the fact that I've been left and replaced by the person that I cared about so much. I just need an explanation, that's all. Is it too much to ask? I just want to know why am I worth leaving for. Is it because of the things that I did or didn't do? I just want to know so that I won't be making the same mistakes again.

I'm not mad at you father, I'm just mad at what you did. I don't care whose to blame. All I know is that if and when I do have a kid, I will never ever leave him/her. And even if I'm forced to, I would never let him/her feel abandoned and unloved by me. I'll make time to be present in his/her life even if it'll kill me.

I don't want to blame you, but you see the reason that I'm so scared of commitments is because you've quite set the bar. I'm scared that if I open my heart enough for someone, they will think that they have this right to trample my being any way they want.

It's a shitty thing to think about, but it's the truth. I just wish that someday, somehow I'll learn to get over you and what you did to me and my brother.

2013 Year-End Report

It’s roughly 13 hours before 2013 closes. And that only means I have to write my year-end report. It’s not like someone will sue or shoot me if I didn't write one, but it’s because I made a promise to myself a few years back that I will write a year-end report each freaking year. It's getting old, seriously! I write almost the same things over and over again. It seems like each year, I have the same pattern. But not this year, I am pretty excited to write about it. It’s kind of different but the same. To make it different I’m just going to make a list of everything that happened this year. Well, not everything, I may have to remove or not disclose some of those things. *wink*

I was excited to start 2013. I had a temp job waiting and I just couldn't wait what would be in store for me as the year unfolds. So here it goes…

1. Got a temp job. A high-paying temp job, but sadly it wasn’t for me. The schedule was crazy and the job was routinary. 

2. Met “someone” at my temp job. Not really a good news. 

3. Got a call from the job that I’ve applied for 3 months ago (October 2012).

4. Got the job! Yey!

5. Left my temp job. A bit sad but I know it’s for my own good.

6. Found "a really good friend" in the person of “someone’s” friend.

7. Met great people in my new job. Hooray for new friends!

8. Broke up with “someone”. Thank god?! Moving on…

9. My first project went live! 

10. Got regularized! Another YEY moment.

11. Attended a training that gained me more great friends.

12. Ran 3K, 5K, 10K

13. Falling for “a really good friend”.

14. Went on a beach trip with family.

15. Avoided “a really good friend” to prevent from being hurt all over again.

16. Nursed my almost broken heart.  Yeah right.

17. Fan-girling on someone else’s past relationship. Can you blame me? I love them both and I love the idea of them together. :-)

18. Sitting on a couch making this stupid list. Hahaha! 

All in all, 2013 has been a great year for me. Lots of ups and downs but it’s all worth it. Also, in between each item on my list I had lots of coffees, meals and crazy conversations with my new friends.

In case you want to read my 2012 year-end report and the year before that (2011). :-)

Nicest Thing Someone has Ever Done for Me

The nicest thing someone (not including family and close friends) has ever done for me is offering me the last Paulo Coelho book at the bookstore. It was in 2007, four years after Mr. Coelho published Eleven Minutes. That time I just recently discovered his wonderful literary works. I’ve already read most of his books, nine to be exact except for the elusive Eleven Minutes. It was always sold out.

I remember that day, it was two days before my 22nd birthday. And it was the last book on the shelf. The guy got to the book first, and he saw my face dropped when I realized that I won’t be going home with the book yet again. Then he told me that he’s supposed to replace his sister’s copy because she lost it. Then he gave the book to me, telling me that his sister already read it and it probably meant more to me. I couldn’t contain my happiness! I was so ecstatic to finally be able to read the book. And I also told him that it’s my birthday soon so he wouldn’t regret giving me the book.

I find it as the nicest gesture by a stranger because if it were me, I wouldn’t care if it’s your birthday. Hahaha! I am really selfish when it comes to books. Thank god for nice strangers.

19 Questions We Should All Ask More Often

We’ve all been there before, the lull in a conversation where it’s someone’s turn to ask a question in order to keep the conversation going. Maybe it’s on a date, maybe it’s with someone you just met, or maybe it’s an old friend that you’ve grown distant from and are trying to reconnect with. Maybe it’s not a lull in the conversation and maybe you’re trying to more deeply understand the core of another but you can’t quite figure out how to go about it. The opportunities for deeper connection and understanding come from the questions you ask. Rather than asking standards like “So, how are you?” or “Where did you grow up?” or “What’s your family like?” here are 19 thought-provoking questions to ask others (and ourselves) more often.

1. What is one of the nicest things someone has ever done for you?
2. Who/what do you love most and what are you doing about it?
3. How do you show yourself that you love yourself?
4. Whose life do you believe you’ve had the biggest impact on?
5. What is home to you?
6. Is there anybody in your life that you would like to forgive, but haven’t?
7. When is silence more meaningful than words?
8. What do you wish you knew?
9. Are there chances you’ve passed up that you wish you’d have taken?
10. When was the last time you lied? Why?
11. What will you never give up on?
12. What is the most spontaneous thing you’ve ever done?
13. How do you know when it’s time to let go of something or someone?
14. What do you wish someone would ask you?
15. What have you witnessed that has strengthened/weakened your faith in humanity?
16. Are there things that you sometimes pretend you understand, but actually don’t?
17. What big lesson could someone learn from your life?
18. What have you done lately that’s worth remembering?
19. What is the simplest truth you can say with words? 

By Jen Tack (Thought Catalog)