To My Angel in Red

Tomorrow is the second year that we don't have you in our lives. I can still remember that day, it was Sunday and I just got home from the hospital, I was on the "night shift" with you in the ICU. I barely had an hour of sleep when I got a call and was told that you may be leaving soon. I, as well as everyone in the family felt lost. You were always the one keeping the family together. 

You were the problem solver. You provided us all the things that we needed and wanted. You cooked the best meals, played the best music, the best storyteller ever. You threw the best parties, you were the entertainer, the life of the party. Mommy, I wish I could be half the person that you were. The person who touched so many lives with your profession and your personality.

I didn't think that it would be possible, but your leaving made us stronger and closer. Even when you're gone, you're still the glue that binds us all together. I miss you very single day, and I long for the day that we will be together. It won't be hard for me to spot you, because amongst the angels in heaven.. You are my angel in red. I love you so much mommy. You're the best grandma! 

Conversations with Myself #1

“Kristina what’s the one thing in your life that you dreamed of that you haven’t achieved yet?”

(Yes, I call myself Kristina when I want to knock some sense into my messed up mind. Also that’s what my mom calls me when I’ve done something wrong when I was a kid.)

“Just one thing? Really? Can I have at least ten?”

“No, just one Kristina.”

“But, I have so many….”

“Shush! Seriously, just think of one.”

“Ok, ok. Fine! Honestly, I’m nearing 30 and I have no investments more than a hundred grand. I buy gadgets and clothes, yes. But can you really call those long term investments? Of course not. Also I haven’t quite figured out what I wanted to do with the rest of my life. I’m really a big ball of beautiful mess.”

“You’ve got quite and introduction there. Just get to the point already.”

“Why are you in a hurry? Anyway, I think the one thing that I haven’t achieved yet is getting my father to be proud of me. I’ve lived my whole life doing things that I thought he would be proud of, but it never happened. So I just stopped.”

“Stopped? How?”

“When I said stopped, I didn’t mean that I stopped doing things. What I meant is I stopped doing things for the sole reason of making my father proud. I still do a lot of things now, but I do it because I want to be proud of myself and also because it makes me happy. I stopped doing things for the wrong reasons. Got it?”

“Yes, got it. Gosh, it’s the first entry for your series and it’s really serious. No wonder nobody reads your blog.”

“Ouch, that hurts. But really, I don’t care if nobody reads this blog. I made this for me, not for anyone else.”

“Attagirl. Till our next conversation.”

Conversations with Myself

I'm talkin' to myself in public, dodging glances on the train
And I know, I know they've all been talkin' about me
I can hear them whisper, and it makes me think
There must be somethin' wrong with me
Out of all the hours thinkin', somehow I've lost my mind – Matchbox 20, Unwell

The other day while I was on the train, on my way home, a brilliant idea came to my mind. Yes, it is brilliant because it IS my idea. I thought of making a blog series and it will be called “Conversations with Myself”. I actually do this all the time, I talk to myself like I talk to a really good friend. But often times these conversations take place in my mind, because it will be really awkward talking to yourself out loud, in public. It’s like telling the world that you’re crazy, which by the way I’m not (I’m just a little unwell).

So, in the coming entries of my blogsite you will bump into this series. Stay tuned.

P.S. I googled “Conversations with Myself”, and I came to know that Nelson Mandela has a memoir with the same name. Brilliant minds think alike. Hahaha!