My Life: Year-End Report

We've finally reached the last day of 2012, in fact it's just over an hour more and we'll all be saying sayonara to 2012. And by WE, I meant all the people who live in the same timezone as I am. 

And for the sake of my sanity and for this promise I made myself half a decade ago that I am going to post a blog entry before the year ends. (Also, expect another entry tomorrow as I've made another promise to make an entry at the start of the new year.) So here goes Kriann's Life Year-End Report.

2012 is a leap year, and I myself made one too many leaps of faith this year. Also I got to do some stuff that I have't done yet, or haven't done in a really long time. This year isn't exactly the best year of my life yet, but I've tried to make the most of it. Actually, if I were to be honest this year is the best and the worst of my life. 

The worst year because it's the year that I quit my job after 7 years of working in the same company. Also, it's the year when I live off of my parent's money. My mom helped me get my bills paid, seriously isn't that embarrassing?  A grown woman mooching off her mother for her bills! Also, this year I've been my lowest. I had no self-confidence, self-respect whatsoever, and I forgot that I was Miss Positivity for 26 years! Thank god for my mom for reminding me that I am worth more than I give myself credit for. Also, I just broke my record of being single for the loooooongest time. Well, if this continues next year, I'm pretty sure I'll be breaking my personal record yet again.

And now on to the reasons why it's the best. Wait, the first two on my worst list, is also the first two on my best list! I've finally decided to quit the job that I don't love. I've grew the balls to say goodbye to the job that I've been complaining about for forever. Also, I think it's quite a good thing having your mom pay your bills don't you think? IT'S A BLESSING! Again, thank god for moms! Also, I realized that I am human, I am allowed to be sad and break every once in a while. As Jessie J puts it, "it's ok not to be ok". And hell yeah, it does! 

This year, I got to do a whole lot of traveling. I also got to know myself better than I did before. I did a lot of writing, although I've yet to finish them. I'm really that kind of person who loves to start doing everything at once, so can you please forgive me? Maybe before 2013 ends, I'll be able to finish them all. Fingers crossed. I've also got to spend a lot of time with family and friends. 

My only regret is that I could have learned a new language or acquired a new skill with the free time that I had, but I didn't. Because I'm a slacker. I can hear Maura Isles in my head.

"Three months. You could have read all of Shakespeare, you know? Learned Finnish. Instead you've become a platinum member of the shopping channel."

She's actually right, except for becoming a platinum member of the shopping channel because do I have to remind everybody that I am broke? Instead of learning a new language or acquiring a new skill I think Maura Isles will still be proud of me because I've watched each episode of Rizzoli and Isles. Not just once, but I think more than thrice. I hope next year will be so much better than  2012, I seriously hope so. 

Bitter Isn't the New Black

I've read the book entitled Bitter is the New Black, and it inspired me to write this entry. 

Jen Lancaster was living the sweet life-until real life kicked her to the curb. 

She had the perfect man, the perfect job-hell, she had the perfect life-and there was no reason to think it wouldn't last. Or maybe there was, but Jen Lancaster was too busy being manicured, pedicured, highlighted, and generally adored to notice. 

This is the smart-mouthed, soul-searching story of a woman trying to figure out what happens next when she's gone from six figures to unemployment checks and she stops to reconsider some of the less-than-rosy attitudes and values she thought she'd never have to answer for when times were good. 

Filled with caustic wit and unusual insight, it's a rollicking read as speedy and unpredictable as the trajectory of a burst balloon.

I kind of had or have the same story. I won't say I was a woman in power before I quit my job, but I kind of did have that. I was the only woman in a department of 14, and a senior IT. Well, I think they got really no choice, I've been with the company for 7 years. So I was a senior, in terms of years being with the company I worked for. After reading the book (which by the way I read a few weeks before quitting my job), I took the risk of quitting my job. I had no back-up plan whatsoever but I still did it anyway.

It was hard, no, it is still hard. I've no idea what I signed up for, or better yet what I resigned for. I don't know how to be idle, the longest I've been out of work is when I requested a month's break, but that was spent travelling. So, it was kind of a different story. But when I resigned, it was for real! It's been over 5 months since I quit my job, I haven't got a job yet technically. I got hired, but I will be starting next month. But to be utterly honest I don't know if that's what I really want to do. I've been trying to figure out what my dream job is, to not make the same mistake again. And waste another 7 years of my life trapped in a job that I don't love. Well, it pays the bills so I have no choice but to love it. But still, I want to do something that doesn't feel like a job because I am passionate about it. I envy those people who have finally found their niche in life. I wish I were one of them.

I started to regret my decision, and currently second guessing myself. I am in no way having my ducks in line. If anything, my ducks are quite a mess, they're in a very crooked line! I spend almost every night reviewing everything that's happened the past months, and at the same time wondering what if I never quit? I am a total wreck these days. Not knowing where to go next. I always say that everything happens for a reason, and I really hope that there's a reason behind all these. Being a grown up really sucks, but I can never be bitter about. I know myself well, and I know I'm not the type of person that dwells on what ifs and what nots.  I'll never be bitter about life. I can make it through this.

Fame is the new Black

About a decade ago or way far back, when you ask a kid what he or she wants to be when he or she grows up you’ll get varied answers. Answers like becoming a doctor, a nurse, a lawyer, a teacher, a fireman, a policeman or a policewoman. Kids from decades ago choose a future profession not mainly because it pays more or because it has a lot of benefits like health insurance or paid vacation leaves. But it’s all because they wanted to help their family or the community they were in.

As a kid my greatest dreams were of becoming a doctor despite my fear of blood because I wanted to cure the sick people, and a cashier. I had this crazy idea that the persons behind the check-out counters were the richest people on earth. No, I didn’t want to be the richest person on earth just because, but I wanted to be able to provide for my family and my neighbors. I thought that if I were rich enough I would be able to buy all my friends toys and other stuff.  As I grew older, my dreams eventually changed every birthday.  I wanted to be a lawyer, an architect, a teacher, and it came to the point that I just wanted to pass the exams and graduate high school.

Kids these days are a lot different. Their dreams no longer include being a doctor, a nurse, a lawyer or a teacher. A cashier maybe, because like me, they thought that they’ll be able to take home all the day’s sales. All kids want these days is to be famous. They won’t stop at anything to be famous. All along I thought people wanted to be famous because of the fortune it comes with.  But even some of the persons (no longer kids) on Forbes list or D-list celebrities wanted to be (more) famous. Even if that means making and ‘leaking’ their very own sex tapes, or getting into anything that screams scandalous and publicity.

Like Spiderman said, “With great power comes great responsibility”. And for sure we all know that fame literally translates power, that’s why everyone wants it on the first place. I get that fame and fortune is a package deal, no wonder everyone wants to be one (or both) at some point of their lives. One of the advantages of being famous is getting everything that you want, material wise. A mansion in West Hollywood, a penthouse with a view of Central Park, a beach house in Malibu or the Hamptons or a ski/summer house in Aspen.  Jet setting to anywhere in the globe, getting all the most expensive things this world could offer. And the biggest advantage of being famous is that you can influence people. You can use this advantage to do good, promote change and make a mark in this world.

But when you come to think about it, fame and fortune is not all it’s cracked up to be. When you’re famous, everything is magnified. The mundane things or stuff a normal person does, becomes blown up when you’re famous, it becomes the headlines of the tabloids or gossip sites the following day. The whole world is like a vulture waiting for you to screw up and relentlessly eat and peck until there’s nothing left of you. You’re treated as if you’re not capable of emotions. And the saddest part of this is that famous people are expected to put on a game face even when they are dying inside.

This is the kind of life people wants these days, no matter what it takes. I don’t want to be called hypocrite and tell you that I don’t dream of becoming famous every once in a while because I do. Who wants to pass up on something like that? But I’m also just as contented with the simple life I’m living, so long as I get to help and inspire people in my little way. But if given the chance, I’ll take becoming somebody famous’ girlfriend or wife, it’s easier. That way I don’t have to deal with fame directly. I can’t be Prince William’s wife, that spot has been taken but there’s still one unmarried prince. It’s enough to keep my hopes up.

Photo credit:  Nour-T