And here I am thinking that it was father's day yesterday. I was quite horrified this morning when I read on Facebook that it was father's day yesterday (only in Lithuania) because I've forgotten to call my grandpa, greet my uncles and my dad. Because if it was father's day yesterday I would be toast! I will not stop hearing about it from my grandma that I forgot my grandpa on father's day. My father though, I doubt if he will even care if I greet him or not. But I silently hope he does.
I know I may seem not to care about him, but I still do. In fact I really do. I might remind myself sometimes that I've moved on, and have lived 80% of my life without him but the little girl inside me hesitates to do so. In fact, there are times that I wish it's my birthday or it's Christmas so I would get a text from him. And when I'm deciding on something, I imagine what my dad would think about it. I was such a daddy's girl before he and my mom separated, but after that we lost communication and just reconnected after college and about 4 years ago that line has gone choppy.
I'm not really sure what my writing is about today, or why am I writing on the first place. But I just feel something... I can't pinpoint what that is but I know I'm feeling a void that only him can fill.
Maybe I just miss him, and maybe he misses me too (a girl can dream). But I really wish that everything will be well between us, in time. And I would really love to make up with all the time that we've lost. And I also wish that forgetting about something that we both did and didn't do is just as easy as SHIFT + DEL on the keyboard and no trace will be left, it'll be like it never even existed.
But I have no regrets in everything that ever happened to our family, it's like a beautiful mess. And I still believe that everything happens for a reason and everything has an explanation whether good or bad, it's just a matter of how you see life.
I know I may seem not to care about him, but I still do. In fact I really do. I might remind myself sometimes that I've moved on, and have lived 80% of my life without him but the little girl inside me hesitates to do so. In fact, there are times that I wish it's my birthday or it's Christmas so I would get a text from him. And when I'm deciding on something, I imagine what my dad would think about it. I was such a daddy's girl before he and my mom separated, but after that we lost communication and just reconnected after college and about 4 years ago that line has gone choppy.
I'm not really sure what my writing is about today, or why am I writing on the first place. But I just feel something... I can't pinpoint what that is but I know I'm feeling a void that only him can fill.
Maybe I just miss him, and maybe he misses me too (a girl can dream). But I really wish that everything will be well between us, in time. And I would really love to make up with all the time that we've lost. And I also wish that forgetting about something that we both did and didn't do is just as easy as SHIFT + DEL on the keyboard and no trace will be left, it'll be like it never even existed.
But I have no regrets in everything that ever happened to our family, it's like a beautiful mess. And I still believe that everything happens for a reason and everything has an explanation whether good or bad, it's just a matter of how you see life.
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