Bitter Isn't the New Black

I've read the book entitled Bitter is the New Black, and it inspired me to write this entry. 

Jen Lancaster was living the sweet life-until real life kicked her to the curb. 

She had the perfect man, the perfect job-hell, she had the perfect life-and there was no reason to think it wouldn't last. Or maybe there was, but Jen Lancaster was too busy being manicured, pedicured, highlighted, and generally adored to notice. 

This is the smart-mouthed, soul-searching story of a woman trying to figure out what happens next when she's gone from six figures to unemployment checks and she stops to reconsider some of the less-than-rosy attitudes and values she thought she'd never have to answer for when times were good. 

Filled with caustic wit and unusual insight, it's a rollicking read as speedy and unpredictable as the trajectory of a burst balloon.

I kind of had or have the same story. I won't say I was a woman in power before I quit my job, but I kind of did have that. I was the only woman in a department of 14, and a senior IT. Well, I think they got really no choice, I've been with the company for 7 years. So I was a senior, in terms of years being with the company I worked for. After reading the book (which by the way I read a few weeks before quitting my job), I took the risk of quitting my job. I had no back-up plan whatsoever but I still did it anyway.

It was hard, no, it is still hard. I've no idea what I signed up for, or better yet what I resigned for. I don't know how to be idle, the longest I've been out of work is when I requested a month's break, but that was spent travelling. So, it was kind of a different story. But when I resigned, it was for real! It's been over 5 months since I quit my job, I haven't got a job yet technically. I got hired, but I will be starting next month. But to be utterly honest I don't know if that's what I really want to do. I've been trying to figure out what my dream job is, to not make the same mistake again. And waste another 7 years of my life trapped in a job that I don't love. Well, it pays the bills so I have no choice but to love it. But still, I want to do something that doesn't feel like a job because I am passionate about it. I envy those people who have finally found their niche in life. I wish I were one of them.

I started to regret my decision, and currently second guessing myself. I am in no way having my ducks in line. If anything, my ducks are quite a mess, they're in a very crooked line! I spend almost every night reviewing everything that's happened the past months, and at the same time wondering what if I never quit? I am a total wreck these days. Not knowing where to go next. I always say that everything happens for a reason, and I really hope that there's a reason behind all these. Being a grown up really sucks, but I can never be bitter about. I know myself well, and I know I'm not the type of person that dwells on what ifs and what nots.  I'll never be bitter about life. I can make it through this.