Not This Time

Why do I have to live my life according to your schedule?

What about my OWN LIFE and my OWN SCHEDULE???

You are so unfair! I've been very kind to you and it's always you who had the advantage of a better parking. THIS is the very first time that I'm actually living my life and there you go ruining it just to suit your whims.

I am not doing it again. FYI I'm trying to have a life here man! Really trying.

Fools Like Me

Here I am again on the road that I often travel, and often times I end up bruised or scraped a knee. But nevertheless when I get to the junction where I have to choose between these two roads: 1.) smooth and safe 2.) unpredictable; full of surprises. I always choose the latter. It’s not that I’m a masochist or anything like it, only that I want challenges and I don’t want to dwell on what ifs. I want to see what awaits for me at the end of the road. Whether it’s a happy ending or not, I don’t really care. At least I’ve tried. And that alone can let me sleep at night not wondering what could be and what not. I love taking risks even if its my own heart that’s at stake.

But I don’t know, I feel like I’m cursed or something… I want to borrow a line from Janet Jackson ‘every time I fall in love it seems to never last’ that best describes it. And more often than not I always fall for guys who think they are born just to play and fool around. And more often than not I’m always in a relationship situation that’s indefinable. The pseudo ones:almost but not quite. Ha! But sometimes it lasts longer than you can imagine, but still it’s just not the real deal.

And here I am again… risking it all for the nth time. But now, it’ll be different. I’ll play my cards well. And I won’t invest as much as I used to. I just hate it when I don’t know if what he’s saying is true or he’s just being funny? I really don’t know! No matter how I try to convince myself that I should just play cool and all, but still my convincing powers doesn’t work and my heart still hopes. I just hope it works and in the end it’ll be a win-win situation.

“Fools like me. How we love blindly. And the cracks won’t count. It’s got to break in front of me.”

One Step at a Time

Lesson learned from Jordin today that we don't have to be in a fuss, to be impatient if we want something to happen, it will happen at the right time. So for now, I'm just going to live one day at a time and take one step at a time.

"One Step At A Time"

Hurry up and wait
So close, but so far away
Everything that you've always dreamed of
Close enough for you to taste
But you just can't touch

You wanna show the world, but no one knows your name yet
Wonder when and where and how you're gonna make it
You know you can if you get the chance
In your face as the door keeps slamming
Now you're feeling more and more frustrated
And you're getting all kind of impatient waiting

[Chorus:]
We live and we learn to take
One step at a time
There's no need to rush
It's like learning to fly
Or falling in love
It's gonna happen and it's
Supposed to happen that we
Find the reasons why
One step at a time

You believe and you doubt
You're confused, you got it all figured out
Everything that you always wished for
Could be yours, should be yours, would be yours
If they only knew

You wanna show the world, but no one knows your name yet
Wonder when and where and how you're gonna make it
You know you can if you get the chance
In your face as the door keeps slamming
Now you're feeling more and more frustrated
And you're getting all kind of impatient waiting

[Chorus]

When you can't wait any longer
But there's no end in sight
when you need to find the strength
It's the faith that makes you stronger
The only way you get there
Is one step at a time

[Chorus x2]

Almost Adventure

It's such a long plane ride from Manila to Munich but I don't feel exhausted at all. The service, the food, the very comfy blanket are really superb as well as my flying companion! Oh the perks of flying first class with a close cousin. I'm here in our cozy hotel room with my cousin relaxing for a while before we explore the city and meet up with my other cousins who are based here in Germany. We'll have a dinner tonight with my cousin and her family in their place and maybe hit the hippest club after. We'll be staying here for about a week, we'll explore this city for a while then in August we'll be back but we'll be in Berlin. In a week we'll be strolling the streets of Prague and Vienna. I am so excited about this 2 month long trip! I know it'll be an awesome experience!

Earth to you Kristina! SIGH. Snap back to reality! I'm physically sitting at my post here at work, doing what else? WORK! Whatever happens to living like an European for a couple of months? Doing god knows what in god knows where? And maybe find some hot Euro guy along the way (or hookup with Prince William in London)? In short whatever happened to 'painting the continent scarlet red'? I DON'T KNOW.

I am supposed to be in Germany now! With my cousin. We were supposed to fly together last Friday and start with our 2-month long Euro tour. But because our company sold it's sister company including some of our IT staff I can't take a couple of months off as agreed before. I can't take my break because we are not even enough to cover a 24/7 shift so here I am! I don't know why I'm so good and so loyal that even when I had more than a couple of high paying job offers in other company I didn't accept it because I always said that it's not always about the money. It's about the people you work with, if you're comfortable working with them. And I already told myself that if ever I'll take another job I'll make sure it's not IT related. I want my next job to be the job that I really want. And I want my job to be screaming 'ME'! But now... I'm thinking about quitting and flying to Europe and follow my cousin. I just want to have some time away from work, away from everything. I'm missing the days when I was still in college, being carefree but not careless. And where else would I want to do that? In Europe! I'd rather decide fast before it's not yet too late.

I just hope that my delaying this trip is worth it. But maybe, just maybe.. god have some other (better) plan for me. I hope that plan involves winning the super lotto (though I've never placed any bet), being a rock star, a TV stint, or meeting a Prince (in the Philippines??? Dream on!)!

So much of this... I'm just rubbing it more. I'll just play Chocolatier now, making/eating chocolates can make me feel really better even it's just a game. I need to get my mind occupied till 12nn, because not only I'm working on a Saturday night but also I'll be working 12 hours! So, good luck to me.

MEME 101

Dear Edward.

I don't really know how to tell you this, but I'm selling myself. I think I realized it when I tripped on sesame seeds in your camping car and I saw you sit at my avocado plant.

I'm sure you're emtional enough to understand that Santa doesn't exist.

I'm returning your ring to you, but I'll keep your left ear as a memory.
You should also know that I was interviewed by the Times about the incarnation as an Eskimo.

Your ever lasting enemy,

Kriann

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Do it like this:
Dear (the person who last texted/smsed you).
I don't really know how to tell you this, but ___1___. I think I realized it ___2___ ___3___ and I saw you ___4___ ___5___.

I'm sure you're ___6___ enough to understand ___7___.

I'm returning ___8___ to you, but I'll keep ___9___ as a memory.
You should also know that I ___10___ ___11___.

___12___,
-Your name-

1. What's the color of your shirt?
Blue - Our romance is over
Red - Our affair is over
White - I'll join the monastery
Black - I dislike you
Green - Our horoscope doesn't match
Grey - You're a pervert
Yellow - I'm selling myself
Pink - Your nostrils are insulting
Brown - The mafia wants you
No shirt - You're a loser
Other - I'm inlove with your sister

2. Which is your birth month?
January - That night
February - Last year
March - When your dwarf bit me
April - When I tripped on sesame seeds
May - First of May
June - When you put cuffs on me
July - When I threw up
August - When I saw the shrunken head
September - When we skinny dipped
October - When I quoted Santa
November - When your dog ran amok
December - When I changed tennis shoes

3. Which food do you prefer?
Tacos - In your apartment
Pizza - In your camping car
Pasta - Outside of Chicago
Hamburgers - Under the bus
Salad - As you ate enchilada
Chicken - In your closet
Kebab - With Paris Hilton
Fish - In women's clothing
Sandwiches - At the Hare Krishna graduation
Lasagna - At the mental hospital
Hot dog - Under a state of trance
Annat; With George Bush and his wife

4. What's the color of your socks?
Yellow - Hit on
Red - Insult
Black - Ignore
Blue - Knock out
Purple - Pour syrup on
White - Carve your initials into
Grey - Pull the clothes off
Brown - Put leeches on
Orange - Castrate
Pink - Pull the toupee off
Barefoot - Sit at
Other - Drive out

5. What's the color of your underwear?
Black - My best friend
White - My father
Grey - Bill Clinton
Brown - My fart balloon
Purple - My mustard soufflé
Red - Donald Duck
Blue - My avocado plant
Yellow - My penpal in Ghana
Orange - My Kid Rock-collection
Pink - Manchester United's goalkeeper
None - My John F. Kennedy-statue
Other - The crazy monk

6. What do you prefer to watch on TV?
Scrubs; Man
O.C.; Emotional
One Tree Hill; Open
Heroes; Frostbitten
Lost; High
House; Scarred
Simpsons; Cowardly
The news; Mongolic
Idol; Masochistic
Family Guy; Senile
Top Model; Middle-class
Annat; Ashamed

7. Your mood right now?
Happy - How awful I've felt
Sad - How boring you are
Bored - That Santa doesn't exist
Angry - That your pimples are at the last stage
Depressed - That we're cousins
Excited - That there is no solution to this.
Nervous - The middle-east
Worried - That your Honda sucks
Apathetic - That I did a sex-change
Ashamed - That I'm allergic to your hamster
Cuddly - That I get turned on by garbage men
Overjoyous - That I'm open
Other - That Extreme Home Makeover sucks

8. What's the color of your walls in your bedroom?
White - Your ring
Yellow - Your love letters
Red - Your Darth Vader-poster
Black - Your tame stone
Blue - The couch cushions
Green - The pictures from LA
Orange - Your false teeth
Brown - Your contact book
Grey - Our matching snoopy-bibs
Purple - Your old lottery coupons
Pink - The cut toenails
Other - Your memories from the military service

9. The first letter of your first name?
A/B - Your photo
C/D - The oil stocks
E/F - Your neighbour Martin
G/H - My virginity
I/J - The results of blood-sample
K/L - Your left ear
M/N - Your suicide note
O/P - My common sense
Q/R - Your mom
S/T - Your collection of butterflies
U/V - Your criminal record
W/X - David's tricot outfits
Y/Z - Your grades from college

10. The last letter in your last name?
A/B - Always will remember
C/D - Never will forget
E/F - Always wanted to break
G/H - Never openly mocked
I/J - Always have felt dirty before
K/L - Will tell the authorities about
M/N - Told in my confession today about
O/P - Was interviewed by the Times about
Q/R - Told my psychiatrist about
S/T - Get sick when I think of
U/V - Always will try to forget
W/X - Am better off without
Y/Z - Never liked

11. What do you prefer to drink?
Water- Our friendship
Beer - Senility
Soft drink - A new life as a clone
Soda - The incarnation as an eskimo
Milk - The apartment building
Wine - Cocaine abuse
Cider - A passionate interest for mice
Juice - Oprah Winfrey imitations
Mineral water - Embarrassing rash
Hot chocolate - Eggplant-fetishism
Whisky - To ruin the second world war
Other - To hate the Boston Celtics

12. To which country would you prefer to go on a vacation?
Thailand - Warm regards
USA - Best regards
England - Good luck on your short-term leave from jail
Spain - Go and drown yourself
China - Disgusting regards
Germany - With ease
Japan - Go burn
Greece - Your everlasting enemy
Australia - Greetings to your frog Leonard
Egypt - Fuck off now
France - In pain
Other - Greetings to your freaky family

Jam Packed Weekend

As the title states I had a very jam packed weekend. So jam packed that I am so exhausted to write all the stuff that I/we did.

FRIDAY night I met up with my MIS buddies, and it's really historical because it's the first time that we had more than 5 people gathered. We planned to meet up at Cappriciosa in Greenbelt 3 at 7 for dinner. But Sheina and I agreed to meet up at 4:30 to catch a movie at G4. Unfortunately, she didn't make it on time for the movie so we just skipped that part. She came from a jamming in QC, and when she was on her way to Makati she was caught up in the heaviest traffic jam in EDSA.(She arrived at past 7)

While waiting for everyone to arrived I stayed seated on the benches near the cinema in G4 for a couple of hours (imagine me seated for 2 hours and all alone), then before 7 I went to Powerbooks in G3 to find some books and do a little reading. After reading about 2 chapters of Like Water for Chocolate, Kuya Red arrived and we went to Capricciosa to score us a table since it's a Friday night the place can get a little crowded.

When we got there we started updating each other with our lives and after a few moments Kitty arrived, then Sheina, then K'Anne (with the boyfs) and lastly Sir Wilson. We had a roller coaster ride of emotions that night, we were excited, happy, shocked, saddened but all in all it was all clean fun! We just love being with each other, and we can make any moment turn into a very unforgettable one.

After dinner we waited for Shein to get a ride home, then we were off to K'Anne's house in Malabon, but we dropped Sir Wil to his workplace before going to K'Anne's place. After dropping K'Anne home we decided to have a quick stop at Metrowalk since the night is still young (1AM). We went to Seafoofd Grill, and talked over a bucket of booze, sisig and baked oysters. I tell you their oysters are superb! At par with the ones from Mr. Rockefeller, Oyster Boy and Murray's in High Street. And after some drunken talking we decided to walk to 'wash down' the booze. We've gone to the Banchetto day on Emerald Ave, and tried hard not to get tempted with the food and tried not to smell like food! The air was filled with seafood aroma. Then we walked a bit further to find a drugstore but all we've passed by are already closed so we end up walking from Metrowalk to Crossing! We let Kitty get into her cab and then kuya Red and I stayed at a fast food and had our drunken sleepy conversation over a hot fudge sundae. Then at 4:30AM we then went our separate ways and headed home.

SATURDAY

I woke up past noon and (oh god) I missed the 12NN mass. My officemates and I had a SMS conference. We were finalizing our night out together. At first it was like stop and go but we settled at go. And so our Saturday night out was set. They were going to pick me up along EDSA near Poveda at past 8. But before I went to our meeting place I stop by the shrine and said my prayers. I also asked for forgiveness for missing mass, and for everything that I was about to do (e.g. getting drunk). Then we headed to West Ave. to spend a comedic night. It was really fun, the acts are really funny hilarious! And good thing that I capped off the night with only 3 bottles of Coors, some nachos and no drunk-related episodes for me and for anyone in the group. And take note I got home earlier, like two-ish early.

SUNDAY

The the most productive of all days. Though I woke up past noon again, I was able to squeeze some "laundry business", and tidied up my place a little. Then I got a text message from Kuya Red inviting me to watch a movie with his officemates. And so I did go, but we heard mass first. Unfortunately, I only understood a phrase or three because the presiding priest had this really heavy Asian accent. It was like Indonesian-Vietnamese-Thai with a provincial Filipino accent. That heavy man! So we had a hard time deciphering the words that he said.

At 5PM, we were still in EDSA shrine and we need to get to Mega (where kuya Red's friends are waiting) before the movie starts at 5:15. We were almost running just to get to the cab lane which is at the far end of Galleria. Luckily we got to the cinema at 5:10 but the line at the ticket counters are effing long, as well as the snacks section! Good thing we got to the cinema not long after the movie started. So it was still well and good for us, the running was worth it. (we watched Wanted, I know I'm late again, ok?).

After the movie we ate at Dencio's. THEN. I headed to work. Yes, I had a shift at work that night. And the most productive part is... I've acquired all the factories in Chocolatier 2! Huh! I'm very good at it! And not only that I also have more than $20 mil! I'm so rich! I spent 8 hours playing Chocolatier (shhh don't tell my boss). But there was nothing else to do that night... I made sure that I've finished all the reports that I need to do and I wasn't like not monitoring our dialers. In fact I did, and there was a supervisor who's really annoying he kept on calling for every 5 minutes. So annoying, specially when I'm playing Chocolatier! Hahaha.

Anyway, that's how my weekend was. My body was dead tired but my spirit is glowing. And I went to bed this morning with a huge smile on my face.

Answered Prayers

It's already the 1st of July! We're halfway to 2009, how quickly time flies. The past week I got a forwarded SMS from a very close friend that says "It's funny how day by day nothing changes, but when you look back everything is different." This is so true. I'm talking about personal experience here people. It seemed to me that I lived and based my life in a time table. Work and home and a little shopping and going out on the side. I used to complain on the way I live my life because it seemed to me that everything is just the same. Same old boring life. But looking back now, I realized that even I thought I lived the same day everyday, everything is so different now. Am I making any sense to you? I hope so, because knowing myself I tend to blab about anything that comes to my head then I tend to deviate from what I just blabbed about.

Anyway I never thought that I'd come this far before I'll figure what I would really want to be doing (not for the rest of my life), let's say before my retirement years. I wouldn't say that I want to be doing this for the rest of my life because who wouldn't want to enjoy spending all day at the beach or in a farm just doing anything you feel like doing? Raise your feet! Ok, snap back to what I'm talking about. I had all the signs all along, I just didn't recognize it, I was busy looking for something that's not there and I bet it won't be there for a long time. I figured this when I was on my way home yesterday. I thought about my high school friends and I recalled our graduation day and the class prophecy that we had. When we were asked what we wanted to be years after graduation I placed there that I would be hosting CNN style. See? It was in me all along! And I recall that I begged my dad (grandfather) to let me take up Broadcast Journalism in college. And now I wonder no more why I'm drawn to news personalities and why I am such a news junkie. I've been fervently praying to god to help me find my way, and alas yesterday it dawned on me. After realizing this, the only thing that I need to figure out is how will I make it come true.

Maybe I'll practice "The Secret" way of doing things, perhaps... do other than that. Or just wait till everything falls right into their proper places. Let's wait and see.