I Can't Get Over You

Day 21: Something you can't seem to get over.

I know I'm over a month late with this blog challenge but please don't judge me. I had so much on my plate. And I'm not sure if I'm ready to face the big elephant in the room with this 21st day challenge. But I'm here now, and it means that I'm ready to face it.

There's one situation that I can't get over with. Situation that happened more than two decades ago. I just seem to have moved on because I pretend to but in reality I am still treading waters that is 100-meters deep.

I can't get over the fact that I've been left and replaced by the person that I cared about so much. I just need an explanation, that's all. Is it too much to ask? I just want to know why am I worth leaving for. Is it because of the things that I did or didn't do? I just want to know so that I won't be making the same mistakes again.

I'm not mad at you father, I'm just mad at what you did. I don't care whose to blame. All I know is that if and when I do have a kid, I will never ever leave him/her. And even if I'm forced to, I would never let him/her feel abandoned and unloved by me. I'll make time to be present in his/her life even if it'll kill me.

I don't want to blame you, but you see the reason that I'm so scared of commitments is because you've quite set the bar. I'm scared that if I open my heart enough for someone, they will think that they have this right to trample my being any way they want.

It's a shitty thing to think about, but it's the truth. I just wish that someday, somehow I'll learn to get over you and what you did to me and my brother.