Celebrate Love

Wow! It's barely a couple of weeks before Christmas. I am so excited to give presents to the people I love. I can't believe that I'm almost done with my Christmas shopping, as you can remember that last year I was on a last minute shopping. So this year is really different. I'm not in any sort of rush.

As to where to spend the holidays, I'm not really sure. My initial plan was to come home to the province and spend the holidays with my family there, but there are some major changes now. Turns out I'm not going to spend it in Zamboanga. Truth is, I really don't know where I'll be spending it. My mom and I are going to meet somewhere, she haven't told me the details yet, and by details I mean where and when. So it's really a surprise for me. I'm leaving everything to her now. I trust her because I know my mom too well and I know that she'll never put me in a bad position, and in my case, I place that I wouldn't like. And for sure that place will be really fun and cool. And knowing my mom, that place should have a very nice place for shopping. I am so excited! Or not. Because I so hate surprises! I've been begging my mom to give me some clues but her lips are very sealed. So I just need to be very patient.

I got my mom the phone that she's been lusting for quite sometime now. I also got my younger and college cousins some cool gadgets. Because I am a cool ate! Hahaha! I wish they see me as cool though. Ooops, I think I need to stop revealing my presents so not to spoil their excitement.

I don't expect any in return, because I give gifts because I wanted to and I think they deserve it not because I expect something in return.

Also, I've been listening to Jordan Pruitt's Celebrate Love. I really love the song.

Celebrate Love - Jordan Pruitt

Advance happy holidays everyone!

Don't Go Leaving...

Don't you just hate it when someone leaves without telling you the reason? And when they get back they pretend that everything's fine and like they didn't leave at all.

That's what I'm going through now, I have these 2 persons who left me without telling me why. Person A was the first to leave, mid August. I thought we were good and out of the blue he told me that he had to leave, and then he did and left me hanging. I was really devastated because I didn't see it coming, I didn't picture us apart that soon.

Well anyway, yesterday I got a call from him and told me that he got back the other day and wants to hang out the way we did before. "As if I never left" that's what he said. Say what? So, he just wants me to pretend that everything is cool between us when it's not? I can't do that! I just got over his leaving me, and now he wants to hang around because maybe... just maybe he wants to stick around longer? The hell he does. So what does that make me? A hotel receptionist welcoming him when he arrives and just smile and wave when he wants to take off again?

I got to admit, he's offer is tempting but I need to get my guards up this time. I don't want to go over brooding all over again.

And this Person B he left just recently, still I don't why. Actually, I have some idea why but I want to hear it straight from him. I know I'm not the reason he left but I can't just imagine him throwing away his life for just a person. Though I know that he needs to clear his mind and get his ducks in a row but still running away is not the answer. Maybe we're just two different persons because if something went wrong in my life I won't be running away. I face the problems and try to figure out where did I go wrong. Person B rarely communicates with me now. I know I'm not his favorite person now because he knows me well that I'm only going to give him a lecture about responsibilities and everything. I wish him well, specially in this season.

Well, I just hope everyone's well and good for the holidays. And please if you have any opinion or comment about what I'm going to do with person A, feel free to post your thoughts. :)

Diaphanous

"In a dream you appear,
For a while you are near,
So I keep sleeping,
Just to keep you with me..."

You think I'm pathetic for doing this? No, this isn't one of those "lover's dream", it's more than that. These dreams are about people who meant so much to me, my family and the person who's been my inspiration for the longest time ever.

I'm not really a blabber these days, I'm brooding on my own. As much as I want to share it with anyone, but I also don't want the world to know my story.

Life is complicated, but as they say "Life is what you make it".

"Life is hard or it's a party, the choice is up to YOU."

Thanks Hannah for the wonderful insights. :)

What's the Deal?

Whoa for a while I forgot that I have a blog that needs to be updated. I'll be using the same lame old reason... I've been busy. (Duh as if I've got tons of readers, I'll be lucky if I have one, other than myself of course.) It's for real this time, I'm not busy doing nothing, rather I am busy doing EVERYTHING!

I've been spending toxic nights at work. And been doing sketches and plans for my future business. Don't ask me yet, coz if I'll tell you I'll have to kill you. Understood?! Just kidding! But still I can't spill it, not until it's realized.

And oh, I forgot to update you about the Deal or No Deal game. I already played, and I won 200 pesos! Hahaha! On the first round, I open the briefcase with 1 million pesos, on the second round, the 500K and 2M and it just went on and on. I kept opening the big amounts. So that's it, I ended up with 200 pesos. I have no regrets, I'm lucky enough to be playing there. And besides, there are about 20 thousand Filipinos who texted and I was lucky to be chosen. And hey, as Kris always say that when a person is unlucky in love, he/she gets to win big amounts. So does that mean that I'll be lucky in love soon? I can only wish!

I Got It All

I got the brother problem. I got the flu. I got tonsillitis. I got the biggest zits (3 of them). I got the stuffiest nose. But who cares? Who gets to play on Deal or No Deal on Tuesday? It's got to be me!

Wish me luck. :)

I'm Letting Go

... of the life I've planned for me and my dreams
I'm losing control of my destiny
Feels like I'm falling and that's what it's like to believe
So I'm letting go...

This is a giant leap of faith
Trusting and trying to embrace

The fear of the unknown
Beyond my comfort zone.

Giving in to your gravity
Knowing that you are holding me
I'm not afraid

Feels like I'm falling but that's what it's like to believe
Feels like I'm falling but this is the life for me

I' m letting go...

Sisterhood and Marciano's

As you all know I've been waiting for the Sisterhood of Traveling Pants 2 movie for like forever. So when it finally opened here in the country I was so excited to watch it. I already read all the books with the same title and I like it so I was really giddy to watch the movie. The fact that it stars the stars of my favorite TV characters, Serena Van Der Woodsen (Gossip Girl), Betty Suarez (Ugly Betty) and Rory Gilmore (Gilmore Girls). It's not like I don't like Amber Tamblyn because I totally dig and like her as Tibby, it's just that she isn't one of my favorite TV characters for the obvious reason that she doesn't have a TV show! Anyway, about the movie. I can't say that I was really thrilled after but I wasn't disappointed either. I should blame myself for reading those books first. I never learned that it would always be better if I watch the movie first before reading the books so that I won't be expecting that much and comparing it with the book after. I should always remember that books and movies are different. You can't fit a 500 something pages book to a 2 hour movie.

Anyway, have I told you that I watched the movie with Sheina? No? Ok, so I watched it with her last Monday. It was sort of a bonding time for us. After watching the movie, we had dinner at Marciano's on Greenbelt 3. The food there is superb! I love Tastes like Barney's salad and Peter Petrelli's grilled chicken is also yummy just like it's namesake! I also love the ambiance, it was so New Yorkish! The black and silver "royalty" chairs as I like to call it and the chandeliers are a big plus! We also had wine, even though I had to go to work after. I intended to blog about it right when I got to work that night, unfortunately I was so sleepy because of the wine and have completely forgotten about it.

A Night with Nights in Rodanthe

So I told you that after posting the entry before this I'll be reading the Nights in Rodanthe. I did not but did. I did not because I did not read it right after for no reason at all and I did because I've read it during my shift tonight. I also love (once again) and hate Nicholas Sparks at the same time. I love him because he wrote another good novel but I also hate him because he put me in the verge of tears. I really wanted to cry, if only I was at home I could have cried a bucket but then again I'm here at work. It was so hard for me reading the very tear-jerking part and not be able to let loose a single tear because my officemates might notice and would ask me why. If you didn't know, I'm the only femme working with a bunch of guys in our office so it's really hard. When I got to that 'part', my heart was really crushed and I think I felt what Adrienne felt that time. It was like I was the person in the book. The book is at the same time heart-warming and heart-breaking.

I know I've been making one to many contradicting points here, but it is what I'm feeling now. Unlike A Bend in the Road that's tragedy then happiness, this book it's like tragedy-happiness-tragedy-contentment. Though the protagonists of this book are of middle ages but still I can relate to them. I felt the lost of the lady protagonist who went through divorce and found a new love then dealt with the grief of the death of her new found love alone but still found her strength to live each day not just for herself but also for her family. It left me wondering if was there ever a time my mom went through this phase when she and my dad separated. I wondered if like Amanda, Adrienne's daughter I was blinded to my mom's grief and solitude because I was busy running away from everything that happend to our family, and was busy building my own world where I had a picture perfect family. I'm not insensitive when it comes to my family, but as I've been saying I'm no expert. And how would I know if my mom does cry herself to sleep like I do because where miles apart? And I bet she also didn't know that stage of my life because she was also busy dealing with her stuff.

But one thing I've learned from this book, is that nothing can ever make you feel better but yourself, and you won't get over losing someone/something you just get used to the pain and it's up to you if you'll let yourself be eaten by it. It all boils down to you wanting to give up or go on with life. It's a matter of choice.

I just hope that when all else fails life is as simple as CTRL-ALT-DEL.

Bummer's Weekend

So my weekend was a bummer! All I did was just sleep and eat, watch TV and surf the net. I didn't get to watch a movie, and the only time I went out of our place is when I bought a bottle of Coke, I had no choice because no drinking water have been delivered yet that time and the only drink we had was root beer and I'm not really a fan of root beers. So I had no choice but to drag my little butt to the nearest grocery store to savor the heavenly taste of Coke. Did I sound like an addict there?

Anyway, on second thought my weekend is not a total bummer because I was able to finish a book, Nicholas Sparks' "A Bend in the Road". I like it. It justified the saying "everything happens for a reason". I love the characters. It's the first time that I liked every character in the book, and I felt like if a single character will be taken off the novel I have the feeling that the book wouldn't be the same again. Did you ever read a book to the end then realized that there are some characters that are useless and better off? Don't get me wrong I'm no expert of writing of any sorts because I'm an IT graduate and I only took English courses that are suited for an IT degree. I do write some stuff, but basically those are just informal and stuff that wouldn't likely be published, except on our school paper in high school and college. Anyway, just read the book so that you'll know what I'm talking about.

After this post I will most likely be reading another work of Mr. Sparks "Nights in Rodanthe", I want to finish the book before watching the movie. So that maybe I can tell the difference between the book and the movie and maybe criticize what's lacking on the cinematography. Hahaha just kidding! After all who would believe me, I'm no expert on anything but playing Chocolatier 2 and Jane's realty. Hahaha.

Though my weekend is a loser/geek's weekend, I don't care. I had fun and I was able to rest to the max and I didn't spend on anything (except for the bottle of Coke. :p) I'm trying to save up for my Christmas shopping, I want to start early to avoid the holiday rush that I've experienced the past years. It's September already it's time to start saving up!

This Way is My Way

Neuroses? Let's see... I don't think I have one. So, bye.

Wait! I do! But I can only think of few! Good for me!

First stop: I don't let anybody read nor touch any of the books or magazines that I haven't read or scanned, even if he's Josh Duhamel or Zac Efron. No chance guys. I have my rules.

Second: I eat pizza upside down, my reason? To savor the toppings better! Geesh can I have a better reason than this?

Third: I don't get up before my alarm, even if it's 6:58 and my alarm's set at 7:00 I won't bother getting up. I know what alarm clocks are for and I let it do it's job.

Fourth: I don't take the firsts and last shots of alcoholic drinks, I feel like it'll make me drunk, which is just psychological but I don't care because I'm psycho.

Fifth: It's hard for me to think of books or TV characters merely as fictional characters. For me, they are real and I even dream of being friends with them.

I know, I'm kind of freaking you now... but this is real. This is me.

Movie Date

Ok, I'm coming out. I really feel the need to watch For The First Time this weekend. Not because of KC, definitely not because of Richard, but because some scenes are shot in Santorini, Greece! MY FAVORITE PLACE ON THE PLANET!!! The island is just so gorgeous, I can't help myself. This time it won't matter who I'm going to watch it with because I just have to watch it, even by myself. That's it. My Santorini craving is really high these days, that's because Sisterhood is not showing until the last week of September and they keep playing the trailer of For The First Time

Wanna watch it with me? :)
over and over again on TV.

Too Happy to be Sad

Screw the sad post below, I am too happy to be sad right now. I got the call that I've been waiting for, for like forever! I know I'm exaggerating again, but waiting for almost 3 weeks feels like forever to me, and besides I like to use the word. Anyway, this afternoon I got a call from an unknown number while I was napping, I didn't care to answer my phone suspecting it's from work, maybe they wanted to ask something or worst wants me to come to work earlier. So I didn't answer my phone and tried to sleep again. After my phone rang I regretted not answering it, what if that was the call that I've been waiting for? Then I remembered that I gave them two numbers so if it were the call that I've been waiting for maybe they'll call again through my other number. So I went back to sleep.

When I woke up, I had dinner, then showered after. As I was getting dressed for work my other phone rang and picked it up knowing that only my brother knows my other number and the caller that I've been waiting to call. And I was right! It was the call! I was really nervous at the same time excited. I was stuttering and blabbing maybe. I'm not really sure. All I know is that I'm on, on Monday.

I'll tell you about this call after Monday. I am really giddy and super excited right now.

I am now a fan of John Barrymore's quote "Happiness often sneaks in through a door you didn't know you left open."

Tell me a Funny Story Please

I am sad, not just sad but really,really sad. I can't let anyone know the reason of my sadness as of the moment because a.) I haven't figure out a way to spill it b.) I'm not really good at telling sad stories specially if it involves myself. I don't even know how and where to start.

I know that life is strange but I didn't think it could get this stranger. These past few days I've been having these weird dreams, which consists of a mammoth and an elephant rolled up in bed with me and living in a cave with all the latest technologies. See? It's past weird and went straight to strangeness! And this thing with me and my brother, I don't know what's the cause of this but I feel that's it's getting deeper and we're getting nowhere to clear the air between us. It's just hard because he's the person that I always hang out with, the only person who knows all my most embarrassing moments and the person that I can talk to when I'm feeling sad or just anything. But now I can't even talk to him, we don't see each other anymore. Life sucks when I'm not in talking terms with him.

I really need my mom and some mom meddling in this situation. I miss my brother, I miss my mom. I am really sad.

Can somebody cheer me up? A chat over coffee, smoothie or ice cream will make me feel better.

At this moment, I'm wishing I am friends with Rory and with her mom Lorelei even Lane and Mrs. Kim will do. They're really fun and quirky people. They always know what to say and they give the best punchlines! (I seriously think I better stop watching re-runs of Gilmore Girls anymore).

I watched the season premier of The Hills today because I love the show and it always makes me feel better, but after watching the show it even made me sadder. Lauren, Lo and Audrina are fighting! They can't fight! They are friends, they live together and they're such pretty, pretty friends wearing pretty pretty clothes. You know what's weird about this? I've read the news of them fighting last summer but still I'm affected.

Am I strange? Weird? Peculiar? Tell me.

Why, Oh Why?

I am so sad Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants 2 is not showing until September 24! That's so disappointing as I've been waiting for this movie for too long. And another thing, I can't join my friends (in the states) in talking about the film as they may give away spoilers and of course because I won't be able to watch the film sooner so basically I have nothing to say. I've been searching for a release date here in the Philippines for this film and I wasn't successful until today. I stumbled upon this site and he had a post of the movies that will be released in the country this year. To save you time, I'll just paste the movies and release dates here.

• Wed, Aug 20
  • Movies: Star Wars: The Clone Wars, My Sassy Girl, Room 213, Mother of Tears, Loving You
• Fri, Aug 22
  • Movie: Death Race
• Wed, Aug 27
  • Movies: She, Disaster Movie, Eating Out 2, Congkak
• Wed, Sep 3
  • Movies: Babylon A.D., Love Guru, Three Kingdoms
• Wed, Sep 10
  • Movies: Babang Luksa, Singles, Hellboy 2, Accidental Husband
• Wed, Sep 17
  • Movies: Step Brothers, Mr. Housewives, Crossing Over, BangkokDangerous
• Wed, Sep 24
  • Movies: Amnesya, Mirrors, Sisterhood of the Travelling Pants 2, Demi, Passengers
• Fri, Sep 26
  • Movie: Eagle Eye
• Wed, Oct 1
  • Movies: Land Down Under, American Idol, The House Bunny, Possession, Mutant Chronicles
• Wed, Oct 8
  • Movies: Ultramagnetic Love, Lake View Terrace, Tropic Thunder, The Bachelor 2, Outlander
• Thu, Oct 9
  • Movie: Body of Lies
• Wed, Oct 15
  • Movies: Sundo, Wild Child, Max Payne, The Strangers, City ofEmber
• Wed, Oct 22
  • Movies: Last Full Show, The Brothers Bloom, High School Musical 3, The Pineapple Express, Nights in Rodanthe, Crocodile
• Wed, Oct 29
  • Movies: Righteous Kill, Ace Venura 3, He’s Just Not that intoYou, Angus Thongs and Full Frontal Snogging
• Wed, Nov 5
  • Movie: James Bond: Quantum of Solace
• Fri, Nov 7
  • Madagascar: Escape to Africa
• Wed, Nov 12
  • Movies: Mag Pie, The Women, Buried Alive, Sex Drive
• Thu, Nov 20
  • Movie: Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince
• Wed, Nov 26
  • Movies: When I Met You, The Management, Beverly Hills Chihuahua, Minotaur
• Wed, Dec 3
  • Movies: Quarantine, Four Christmases
• Wed, Dec 10
  • Movies: Rocknrolla, Minimoys, Infestation
• Wed, Dec 17
  • Movies: Carolina, Spring Break

But if you want an updated list weekly you can visit the site.

Jeepney Ride

I've known that our country is undergoing a crisis but I never took it seriously not until yesterday morning when I was commuting my way home. I was waiting for a bus, since Wednesday is a no car/cab day for me. Unfortunately, buses are like cabs they're everywhere when you don't need them but if you do, they're nowhere to be found. After some time waiting, I decided to just take the jeepney since it's just a short commute. After all of us paid our share of fares there was this twenty-something lady asking the driver to give her her change which is Php1.50. The driver wasn't able to hear her because of the loud noise the engine of his jeepney was making. When the lady noticed that the driver wasn't listening to her she called out for her change again, and this time louder. But the driver seemed to not hear her at all. So the lady was like yelling and cursing the driver.

I can't explain what I trully felt that time. I felt sorry for the lady coz I think she really needs every cent she can lay her hands on, maybe her family is on a really tight budget. But I also felt bad for the driver because the lady was cursing him at the top of her lungs, and what if he simply just forgot or just didn't hear the lady?

I know nothing of the lady nor the driver's real side of the story. All I know is that we're all in a very uncovenient, tough, hard and whatever situation now. I really hope I can do something, anything just to be able to help.

Is it a DEAL or NO DEAL?

Not This Time

Why do I have to live my life according to your schedule?

What about my OWN LIFE and my OWN SCHEDULE???

You are so unfair! I've been very kind to you and it's always you who had the advantage of a better parking. THIS is the very first time that I'm actually living my life and there you go ruining it just to suit your whims.

I am not doing it again. FYI I'm trying to have a life here man! Really trying.

Fools Like Me

Here I am again on the road that I often travel, and often times I end up bruised or scraped a knee. But nevertheless when I get to the junction where I have to choose between these two roads: 1.) smooth and safe 2.) unpredictable; full of surprises. I always choose the latter. It’s not that I’m a masochist or anything like it, only that I want challenges and I don’t want to dwell on what ifs. I want to see what awaits for me at the end of the road. Whether it’s a happy ending or not, I don’t really care. At least I’ve tried. And that alone can let me sleep at night not wondering what could be and what not. I love taking risks even if its my own heart that’s at stake.

But I don’t know, I feel like I’m cursed or something… I want to borrow a line from Janet Jackson ‘every time I fall in love it seems to never last’ that best describes it. And more often than not I always fall for guys who think they are born just to play and fool around. And more often than not I’m always in a relationship situation that’s indefinable. The pseudo ones:almost but not quite. Ha! But sometimes it lasts longer than you can imagine, but still it’s just not the real deal.

And here I am again… risking it all for the nth time. But now, it’ll be different. I’ll play my cards well. And I won’t invest as much as I used to. I just hate it when I don’t know if what he’s saying is true or he’s just being funny? I really don’t know! No matter how I try to convince myself that I should just play cool and all, but still my convincing powers doesn’t work and my heart still hopes. I just hope it works and in the end it’ll be a win-win situation.

“Fools like me. How we love blindly. And the cracks won’t count. It’s got to break in front of me.”

One Step at a Time

Lesson learned from Jordin today that we don't have to be in a fuss, to be impatient if we want something to happen, it will happen at the right time. So for now, I'm just going to live one day at a time and take one step at a time.

"One Step At A Time"

Hurry up and wait
So close, but so far away
Everything that you've always dreamed of
Close enough for you to taste
But you just can't touch

You wanna show the world, but no one knows your name yet
Wonder when and where and how you're gonna make it
You know you can if you get the chance
In your face as the door keeps slamming
Now you're feeling more and more frustrated
And you're getting all kind of impatient waiting

[Chorus:]
We live and we learn to take
One step at a time
There's no need to rush
It's like learning to fly
Or falling in love
It's gonna happen and it's
Supposed to happen that we
Find the reasons why
One step at a time

You believe and you doubt
You're confused, you got it all figured out
Everything that you always wished for
Could be yours, should be yours, would be yours
If they only knew

You wanna show the world, but no one knows your name yet
Wonder when and where and how you're gonna make it
You know you can if you get the chance
In your face as the door keeps slamming
Now you're feeling more and more frustrated
And you're getting all kind of impatient waiting

[Chorus]

When you can't wait any longer
But there's no end in sight
when you need to find the strength
It's the faith that makes you stronger
The only way you get there
Is one step at a time

[Chorus x2]

Almost Adventure

It's such a long plane ride from Manila to Munich but I don't feel exhausted at all. The service, the food, the very comfy blanket are really superb as well as my flying companion! Oh the perks of flying first class with a close cousin. I'm here in our cozy hotel room with my cousin relaxing for a while before we explore the city and meet up with my other cousins who are based here in Germany. We'll have a dinner tonight with my cousin and her family in their place and maybe hit the hippest club after. We'll be staying here for about a week, we'll explore this city for a while then in August we'll be back but we'll be in Berlin. In a week we'll be strolling the streets of Prague and Vienna. I am so excited about this 2 month long trip! I know it'll be an awesome experience!

Earth to you Kristina! SIGH. Snap back to reality! I'm physically sitting at my post here at work, doing what else? WORK! Whatever happens to living like an European for a couple of months? Doing god knows what in god knows where? And maybe find some hot Euro guy along the way (or hookup with Prince William in London)? In short whatever happened to 'painting the continent scarlet red'? I DON'T KNOW.

I am supposed to be in Germany now! With my cousin. We were supposed to fly together last Friday and start with our 2-month long Euro tour. But because our company sold it's sister company including some of our IT staff I can't take a couple of months off as agreed before. I can't take my break because we are not even enough to cover a 24/7 shift so here I am! I don't know why I'm so good and so loyal that even when I had more than a couple of high paying job offers in other company I didn't accept it because I always said that it's not always about the money. It's about the people you work with, if you're comfortable working with them. And I already told myself that if ever I'll take another job I'll make sure it's not IT related. I want my next job to be the job that I really want. And I want my job to be screaming 'ME'! But now... I'm thinking about quitting and flying to Europe and follow my cousin. I just want to have some time away from work, away from everything. I'm missing the days when I was still in college, being carefree but not careless. And where else would I want to do that? In Europe! I'd rather decide fast before it's not yet too late.

I just hope that my delaying this trip is worth it. But maybe, just maybe.. god have some other (better) plan for me. I hope that plan involves winning the super lotto (though I've never placed any bet), being a rock star, a TV stint, or meeting a Prince (in the Philippines??? Dream on!)!

So much of this... I'm just rubbing it more. I'll just play Chocolatier now, making/eating chocolates can make me feel really better even it's just a game. I need to get my mind occupied till 12nn, because not only I'm working on a Saturday night but also I'll be working 12 hours! So, good luck to me.